


Unknown

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Merthur - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:58:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You've had stalkers before, what's so special about this one?"<br/>"He saved my life."</p><p>Arthur is an actor, Merlin isn't</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very proud of this fic and it's my first, so please be nice. I welcome constructive criticism :)  
> [Also: by copying and pasting my fic into AO3 all italics etc got lost so some of your reading experience will be hindered, I will try to fix it, so don't be surprised if there are slight changes, but for now I am very sorry for the lack of emphasis on words etc)

It was just after finishing his newest television show, starring as the heroic protagonist, destined to be a hit.

He was sitting with some others of the cast of a different hit series behind a long table, in front of them a huge crowd of people lining up for the cast’s autographs. So far he mostly saw girls at the convention and was quite aware that many were there just for him.

Arthur Pendragon knew of his effect on girls and some boys, which made this event much more tiring. He offered smiles to each of the girls that came to him after having stood in line for hours, their return was usually a giggle or even a squeal. Arthur was used to this. He took a sip of water as one girl left while the next approached.

“I-I think you all, the whole cast, are amazing, but-". Here Arthur looked up, because the voice was not female, but male. “But out of all the people I hadn’t met yet, you are my favourite.” At which the young man lowered his head as if trying to hide a blush. Arthur meanwhile had started signing one of the photos from the stack and now looked at the man. He had heard similar words before, however usually in girly, giddy voices.

“Thank you,” Arthur finally replied and handed the man, who had started staring at him, the signed picture.  
“It was a great pleasure meeting you,” the stranger said in a wobbly voice, but then smiled broadly at Arthur and bowed. This was also not entirely unusual, but the next thing certainly was:

The young man stayed bowed and retreated backwards, holding his bow until he was out of the room (but not without knocking into a handful of people and hastily apologizing).  
There was only so much time Arthur had to stare after the man in slight bewilderment before the next girl stood expectant before him. Arthur sighed and put on a smile.

 

* * *

  
“Finally,” Arthur sighed after sliding out of the convention through the back door.  
Finally they let him have a break from all those people trying to corner and get closer to him. Finally alone. Sometimes he wished he could just escape from it all…

“Hatschi!”  
“Bless you,” Arthur had said before even seeing where the sneeze had come from. He was too polite to ignore the sneeze, but did not care for small talk with someone invading his moment of peace.            

When Arthur eventually did look around he saw a figure sitting on the floor, quite close to him, leaning, just like Arthur, against the building in which they had met earlier, and Arthur quickly recognized the person as the man who had made such a strange exit. The young man had been staring at Arthur and when he met Arthur’s eyes he averted his own quickly.

Despite the certainty that this man surely must be a stalker, Arthur could not help but feel curious about him. The man was sitting there, eyes darting to and from Arthur every now and then. Arthur realized that the man was doing this because Arthur had been staring at him ever since first noticing him.  
All he had wanted was some peace and quiet from all the people, from the fans, and here he was, staring at one, contemplating a conversation, its benefits, its possible after effects, when the young man spoke.

“I’m Merlin,” he said, friendly, but with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.  
After a short pause Arthur also introduced himself, to which the boy, Merlin, chuckled. “I know,” he replied. Before Arthur could give an embarrassed reply defending himself a group of girls had appeared, squealing, pointing, and ready to attack.  
Arthur decided to protect Merlin from the fangirls and grabbed him by the arm. “Quick! Inside!” as he ushered Merlin inside, closing the door behind him.  
Merlin was staring at Arthur, with somewhat unbelieving, wide eyes. Arthur wondered why he even thought about taking a stranger inside. But now it had been done, he realized he had rescued a man from the fangirls who did not actually need to be rescued.  
Merlin was still staring. Arthur shifted uncomfortably. “Are you daft? Stop staring at me!” Merlin blinked and looked at the ground.  
“Only the crew can get in here, we’re safe now,” Arthur explained. The expression on Merlin’s face changed.

“What do you mean, ‘safe’? Safe from what? Girls that are excited to see you because they’re in love with you?” He looked angry and sounded very hurt.  
Such a reaction was not anticipated by Arthur and was quite unwelcome.  
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” he said and turned away. “I don’t think I want to, because I’d have to be a prat to understand, wouldn’t I?”  
A mocking tone had replaced what had on beforehand been a hurt one. Arthur turned around to reply about how he would not be spoken to in that manner, but Merlin was already out the door.  
Enraged and in utter disbelief, Arthur stomped away.

 

* * *

 

After the long day Arthur practically fell onto his bed. He was exhausted, his nerves strained.

Arthur had thought about what that boy, Merlin, had said to him, how he implied that Arthur mistreated his fans. Arthur tried to convince himself that there was no need for that nagging feeling doubting his own judgement, but it remained anyway.  
All of a sudden he felt his trousers vibrating. He reached into the pocket and pulled out his phone. "...Hello?", he grumbled into it.

"How did it go?" asked Morgana on the other end of the line in a tone that could only be described as mocking.  
"Dreadful. All the girls were all over me, the older ones kept touching me inappropriately and quite a few offered themselves as groupies."  
Arthur sighed. He had never felt attracted to any of them, never to anyone. Arthur decided not to mention Merlin to his sister.  
"Sounds like you need someone to look after you. Like a bodyguard or an assistant. Someone to take care of you." Her tone was still taunting, but there was sincerity in her voice.  
"Suppose," Arthur answered, tired. "Can we talk another time?"  
"Goodnight, Arthur."  
It was time for sleep. The long day weighed heavy on his eyelids, his thoughts drifting, but not far enough to stop Arthur from falling asleep almost instantly.

 

* * *

  
He woke with a start. His bedsheets were crumpled, as if he had been tossing and turning. Recovering his phone, he saw that it was barely 11pm. He felt unsettled and decided to take a stroll outside, putting on a hoodie and pulling it as far over his face as possible before setting off.

The night air was fresh and chilling, with very few people out. For Arthur, this was relaxing. He did not care where he was going. He just wanted to get away from it all. Surrounded by all those people trying to get closer he felt even more alone, more empty inside than ever.

Captured in thoughts as he wandered across a street he only saw the car approaching when it was too late. It was heading straight towards him.  
Taken by surprise Arthur hardly knew how to react when he felt a strong tug on his arm and was abruptly pulled out of harm's way.  
Through the force of the pull Arthur and his saviour fell onto the pavement. He was in shock, but when his breathing started slowing down Arthur began to process what had just happened.

"Thank you...you saved my life, I-" but then he recognized his saviour as Merlin, the chap from the convention, sitting beside him, looking just as shaken by the situation as Arthur felt.  
"You!", Arthur exclaimed, unsure how he felt about this, "You saved me? Where did you suddenly come from?" Arthur demanded as he stood up. Now he was even more certain that Merlin was a stalker.  
"I live here!", Merlin complained, standing up too, clearly offended by Arthur's tone. Arthur raised an eyebrow but fell silent. Then he grinned and said "You are stronger than you look."  
"Yeah? Well you are stupider than you look," Merlin retorted but grinned back.  
"I must repay you somehow," Arthur offered after resisting the sudden urge to punch Merlin's arm, "for saving my life."

Merlin looked uncomfortable. "You don't have to-"  
"Yes, I do," Arthur interrupted him. "How about you give me your number and I'll give you a call when I know a good way to repay the debt."  
"My phone number?", Merlin stammered, surprised.  
"What else, you idiot!", Arthur growled, secretly amused.  
Merlin reached into his pockets and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, scribbled down his number, then handed the paper to Arthur.  
"Thank you. I will be in touch," Arthur said, flashing Merlin his best smile. Merlin merely stared for a moment, then shuffled off.  
Arthur examined the piece of paper in his hand. The writing was rather girlish and above the number Merlin had written 'for the prat'. Arthur laughed quietly.  
"Interesting," he murmured and returned to his warm, waiting bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur was woken the next morning by his buzzing phone. He picked up and mumbled a drousy "Hello" into it.  
"Can I come over?", his sister asked sweetly.  
"Sure", Arthur agreed, rather reluctant to comply but too tired to argue.  
"Great! Because I'm already there" and in that instant the doorbell rang.  
He cursed under his breath, threw some clothes on and let her in.  
"I've been thinking about yesterday", she began, sitting down on his couch. "I think it was actually a genius idea to hire someone to 'protect' and distract you from the attention. I mean, it was my idea, so it must be brilliant, but - Hey, are you listening?"  
Arthur glanced at her. "I have a stalker", he confessed. Morgana frowned.  
"You've had stalkers before, what's so special about this one?"  
"He saved my life."

And thus Arthur told Morgana about Merlin. How they met, and how they met again and how, when they met one more time, Merlin saved Arthur's life. Morgana listened to all this with a slight smile on her lips. 

"Are you sure he's a stalker?", she asked after he finished the story.  
"Why?", Arthur asked, suspicious of Morgana's smirk.  
"Because he sounds like an excellent choice as the person to take care of you", Morgana beamed. "I will want to discuss this job offer with him. Give me his number", she ordered and Arthur decided it was best not to resist. Merlin would make an interesting assistant. Arthur could always sack him if he got too annoying.

 

* * *

  
Morgana smiled at Arthur after hanging up on Merlin. Arthur had listened to the conversation, only hearing one half, following Morgana as she explained what the job would entail, but not being able to hear whether or not the offer had been accepted.  
"Mr. Emrys has agreed to be your servant."  
"My what now?"  
"Come now, Arthur. Don't be difficult. Would you prefer it if I called him your protector?", she teased.  
"How about 'assistant'?", he replied through his teeth.  
Morgana sighed dramatically. "You're no fun."  
Arthur rolled his eyes. "So when did you say he would begin his services? Tomorrow?"  
"I figured the sooner the better."  
"I still don't really see how having some chap tag along will help me", Arthur complained.  
"It will be very helpful", his sister assured him, getting her coat.  
"And how exactly?" Morgana opened the door, but turned to smirk at him.  
"You'll see." And she was gone.  
"What's the worst that can happen?", Arthur told himself.

 

* * *

  
The next morning the phone rang while Arthur was raiding his kitchen for a decent breakfast. He cradled it between shoulder and ear and heard a fuzzy "Hello, this is Merlin Emrys. Miss Pendragon gave me your phone number and address."  
"Yes, I know. Why are you calling? Just come over." Merlin sighed. "I planned to do so, Mr. Pendragon, but the building in which your flat is supposed to be offers a doorbell to many names, none of which is Pendragon." Arthur had forgotten about the alias he used for his flat. "Mine is 'Lancelot'", he said and hung up.  
When Arthur opened the door for Merlin there was an awkward pause in which Merlin stared at Arthur with his eyebrow raised and Arthur looked to the ground and tried not to shuffle his feet. "It was Morgana's idea", Arthur began, "she seemed to believe I needed protection from my fangirls."  
"So...working for you is equivalent to your life being saved? This is you repaying me?" Merlin was still staring at him, frowning. "It should be a great honour to work for me, yes!" Merlin let out a silent laugh. "What will my first honourable task be then, sire?", Merlin asked, emphasizing the address sarcastically.  
"Make me breakfast", Arthur ordered and flopped into a chair.  
"Is that really in my line of duties, Mr. Pen-"  
"Just do it, Merlin", interrupted Arthur. Merlin’s eyebrows raised. "Kitchen's that door", Arthur said, nodding lazily towards it.  
Merlin was about to disappear into the kitchen when Arthur added "And stop it with the 'Mr. Pendragon'. Call me Arthur."


	3. Chapter 3

"I live close by, so if there's anything you need, you can call me," Merlin said before leaving. "Thank you, Merlin," Arthur closed the door behind him.  
After breakfast Arthur was at loss what to do with him, so he sent Merlin away to avoid further awkwardness.  
Morgana rang. Arthur picked up, skipping pleasantries. "All I did was ask him to make me breakfast, you know. I really don't see the point in having him here, so I sent him home."  
"But he's supposed to stay with you!" Morgana protested.  
"Why? To protect me? My flat is perfectly safe!"  
"You idiot..." Morgana groaned, as if Arthur wasn't getting something.  
She changed the subject. "Have you packed yet?"  
"Packed?" Arthur asked, confused. "Oh! The premiere! I forgot about that. I'll be done in no time, don't worry."  
Morgana sighed. "And don't forget to call Merlin." She hung up.  
Arthur dialed Merlin's number. "Hello. I have a premiere for a show, but it's quite far to go, so pack your things, an overnight bag, and come over when you're finished."  
"Hel-lo-o," Merlin replied, stretching the word as if he needed a while to process the information. Arthur rolled his eyes. His assistant was a slowpoke.Out of courtesy he waited for a better response.  
"So...I'm packing for a trip to a different town, where you will be at a premiere and we will stay at a hotel," Merlin said slowly, just as dodgy as before. "Yes. I expect you to be here soon." Arthur sighed and hung up.

 

* * *

  
A car picked them up, sleek black and expensive. Merlin had frozen for a moment at Arthur's side before getting in. They had a long drive ahead of them, so Arthur decided on trying to have some smalltalk with the ungainly man beside him.  
"So," Arthur began, contemplating what to say, "what was your job before you were offered this?" Merlin looked at Arthur with a strange expression, as if he were embarrassed.  
"I was unemployed," he admitted, his voice going quiet. Arthur thought Merlin was embarrassed because he was ashamed, but scrutinizing the unhappy face next to him he grew certain that Merlin was being shy. Something in Merlin's voice and expression made Arthur want to hug him in sympathy and tell him he'll be alright. But he knew he couldn't do that.  
"I see.”  
He took his eyes off Merlin and looked out the window.

 

* * *

  
When they arrived at the hotel Merlin was sent to the reception to check them in. "And have someone pick up our bags," Arthur shouted after him.  
Merlin had an odd look on his face when he returned to Arthur. "I got the keys, but..." Merlin bit his lip. "They said there was only one room booked," he explained.  
"What!" Arthur barked more than asked and was already off on his way to the reception. Merlin stopped him. "I've already talked to them. They said it was booked that way by your sister and they could not provide another room because they were booked up. And they told me not to fuss because it's not a double bed but two singles. And I'm sure they'll tell you the same."  
Arthur's anger subsided, if only a little. Once having arrived at the room he was relieved to see that the beds were very far apart. Merlin had ended up having to carry the bags, so he arrived at the room a bit later than Arthur.  
"It's grand," Merlin admired and peeked into the en-suite. "Amazing."  
"Have you never been in a hotel before?"  
Merlin blushed. "Not one like this." Arthur enjoyed Merlin's awe. "You can put my bags over there," he indicated towards one of the beds.  
"Yes, your Highness," Merlin answered good-humouredly.  
"Someone’s in a good mood," Arthur couldn't help but point out, especially since he himself felt tense. "It's nothing. I'm just exited." Merlin beamed at Arthur.  
"Well all this would not have happened if you hadn't been stalking me," he replied lightly in a decidedly bashing fashion.  
Merlin set down the bags by the bed and spun around. "Excuse me?"  
"Oh please, don't make yourself dumber than you already are. Those times we met you seeked me out or even followed me there."  
Merlin's mouth hung open, but he collected himself quickly: "Only the very first time we met was on purpose, the other two were purely coincidental. Outside the convention I had been sitting there before you. How could I have known you were to sneak out through that door? And the other time...I live there, as I have already told you. Don't make your head bigger than it already is. And I'm sorry if you'd rather not have had me save your life."  
It all came out very quickly and heated. Merlin talking back like that had caused Arthur's to freeze for a moment in surprise. He closed it and decided not to say anything; he would not admit that he may have been wrong. Arthur marched to his bed and Merlin to his own.  
"Git", Arthur muttered. He heard Merlin mumble "Prat."  
They didn't speak while getting ready. Morgana rang Merlin to give him an insight into what would happen at the premiere and what Merlin's duties were. When Arthur finished putting on his suit he could feel Merlin's eyes on him.  
"Are you ready?" he asked over his shoulder.

 

* * *

  
In a car just a tad more elegant than the previous they drove up to the red carpet. When they stopped to get out, Merlin was a nervous wreck. "I'll see you inside, okay?", Arthur offered. Merlin nodded, which seemed to be the only reaction he was capable of giving at that moment. Arthur took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and put on a smile.  
Merlin was staring at him. "Well go on then", Arthur said, shooing him away and got out the car as the door was opened from the outside. While Merlin was going straight inside through a side door, Arthur had to go on the red carpet alone. Trying hard not to feel intimidated by all the faces he walked towards the entrance, stopping here and there, letting some fans take photos with him, signing autographs, accepting drawings.  
After posing for the cameras he was finally inside. There was a buzz in the air, but it was more bearable than the one outside. Merlin was nowhere to be seen.  
All smiles on the outside but on the inside bummed that his assistant was being useless he was forced into smalltalk with quite a few people before Merlin appeared. Arthur was talking to another member of the cast when he heard a hesitant "Arthur" from behind him.  
"Merlin! Where have you been?", Arthur began, ready to let out all his frustration on Merlin, when Arthur saw him holding drinks.  
"I thought you might want something to drink, but there were quite a few people at the bar so it took a while."  
He handed Arthur one of the drinks. Arthur stared at it in surprise. It was his favourite. How on earth could Merlin have guessed that? He was about to ask when the colleague he'd been talking to before cut in, holding her hand out towards Merlin.  
"I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Guinevere Smith, aka Gwen."  
"M-Merlin. I love your work. You two make a great on-screen couple."  
Gwen smiled sweetly. "Thank you. But unfortunately Arthur is such a lone wolf off-screen", she mocked, but her tone was endearing. "I'm glad he's finally found someone."  
It took a moment before the meaning of those words sank in. "No-no! We're not-", Arthur began hastily. "I am his assistant", Merlin supplied quickly.  
"I see", Gwen said, smiling as she walked away.  
Arthur remembered the drink in his hand and raised it to his mouth, barely a sip having entered when Merlin spoke. "Is it the right one?" Arthur paused and looked at him. "Yes."  
Merlin looked pleased. Irritated, Arthur had to ask. "How did you know? That this is my favourite?"  
"You said so in an interview", he replied, taking a sip from his own drink.  
A small "Oh" escaped Arthur's lips. Why didn't he think of that?  
"Are you nervous?", Merlin asked conversationally.  
"I don't get nervous", Arthur answered with an edge, annoyed.  
"Really? I thought everyone got nervous."  
Arthur lost his nerve. "Will you shut up!"  
Merlin said no more.

 

* * *

  
Arthur sat with the main cast during the premiere, but Merlin sat close by, visibly enjoying himself (if the broad grin and fidgeting and jumping up and down in his seat was anything to go by).  
Afterwards they all went to the aftershow party, Merlin got them drinks. He handed Arthur his drink when a middle-aged man approached them. Arthur tensed at the sight of him.  
"My congratulations on the successful premiere", the man said, smiling, but with quite some stiffness in his voice. Arthur eyed him with disdain, but managed to force out a "thank you". The man walked on.  
Merlin grimaced, his eyes following him, muttering "creep".  
A slight grin spread on Arthur's lips and he began appreciating Merlin's presence.  
Soon the party was in full swing. Arthur felt cornered, nearly claustrophobic and the superficial chatter made him feel like he wasn't at a bright and active party but in a very dark place and succumbing to loneliness.  
He looked at Merlin, who had not left his side since getting them drinks and had not spoken since. Although Arthur appreciated Merlin being there he was sure that Merlin would have more fun talking to the others there. Arthur had seen his excitement at the premiere and was convinced that he was doing the right thing when he turned to Merlin. "Merlin, you should go have fun. Mingle."  
That did not come out half as encouraging as it was supposed to, his voice sounded little like the casual tone he was going for.  
"Nah, I don't feel like meeting any new people", Merlin replied and looked at Arthur in earnest. He blinked, could not surpress a  and looked at Merlin in unspoken gratitude.  
Merlin simpered, but suddenly looked away.  
"That man", Arthur confessed, "the one you called 'creep'. That was my father, Uther Pendragon."  
Merlin turned his head sharply to stare at Arthur. His expression was one of horror.  
Arthur chuckled. "Calm down, he and I are not on good terms. You're forgiven."  
Merlin still seemed unsettled, but smiled weakly at him.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived at the hotel Arthur dropped into bed and fell asleep instantly. But far too quickly he was woken again. "Do you value your life?", he grumbled into his pillow. "Arthur, you can't sleep in your suit", Merlin complained.  
Arthur gave in, changed into his suitjama and ignored the stares that followed from Merlin. "You've got to be kidding" is what Arthur thought to have heard before he fell into a coma on his inviting bed.  
  
When he woke the next time he did not even notice that Merlin had woken him again because he was shivering and felt rotten.  
"Are you alright? I heard you muttering. I thought you were having a nightmare. You looked...", Merlin breathed out, "I just thought I should wake you."  
Arthur stared for a moment before collecting himself. "Thank...you?" He still felt queasy.  
"Shall I make you a cuppa?", Merlin offered.  
He nodded carefully.  
A comforting smile settled on Merlin's face. "I'll be back in a minute."  
Moments later he returned. "It's out of one of those vending machines, so it will probably taste terrible."  
He handed Arthur the plastic cup. It was too hot, but he said nothing and peered into it. Did he have a nightmare? If he had he couldn't remember. Slowly he drank his tea. It actually made him feel much better.  
He looked at Merlin, who was sitting on the floor beside Arthur's bed, his eyes on Arthur. Smirking, Arthur said "I'm not sure whether you're the simpleton you look like or a genius." He raised the cup in undisguised gratitude.  
"I'll take that as a compliment", Merlin replied, laughing.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few weeks Merlin had grown accustomed to Arthur's busy schedule and had learned all that he had to learn in order to be a good assistant. They had attended charity events, some photoshoots, talkshows and an award ceremony (in which Arthur himself was not nominated, but Morgana pressed him to go - Merlin really enjoyed it). They rehearsed lines together (Arthur had objected at first, but Merlin proved himself quite the roleplayer which did indeed - though Arthur would never admit it - help).  
A month after starting his job Merlin was indispensable. At least that's what Morgana said when she proposed that Merlin should move into Arthur's flat.  
"Come on, Arthur, you have a guest room! It'd make both your lives much easier!" Arthur knew she was right, but he protested a while longer before giving in.  
Merlin was becoming even more of a servant since moving in with his honourable employer, but though Arthur knew this he did not say anything. Besides, neither did Merlin.  
So Merlin prepared the meals, tidied up after Arthur and cleaned.  
Arthur had finished checking his emails when he decided to ego surf a little. There were the usual proclamations of love for him on various blogs, but there was something else, taking up a striking majority of the search results for "Arthur Pendragon".  
Sites, blogs, pictures and videos dedicated to Arthur and Merlin.  
Merlin had, unavoidably, gained a public image, especially when he started accompanying Arthur on the red carpet. But - and Arthur's eyes widened at the realisation - Merlin was believed to be more than an assistant. Next to a picture of Arthur and Merlin at that charity event last week someone had written "Total eye-sex. They are secretly married!"  
All other sources had similar comments, some not praising Arthur's good looks, but Merlin's! Arthur always knew fangirls could be weird, but this! A relationship between him and Merlin? Unthinkable. He laughed.  
"Look at this, Merlin", Arthur exclaimed, spotting Merlin coming through the front door.  
"What is it?"  
"Here. The internet. They write the most ridiculous, most absurd things about us. Take a look! It's actually hilarious how far-fetched all this is, Merlin."  
"Seen it", Merlin muttered after ignoring Arthur's gestures trying to wave him to the computer.  
"Oh." Arthur had not expected that. Though Merlin probably enjoyed the attention and exitement and must ego-surfed constantly.  
Arthur turned his laptop off.

* * *

  
Once Arthur grew used to Merlin's presence he started listening to music on loudspeakers again. He had not felt comfortable with Merlin knowing what music Arthur listened to. It felt too personal.  
He'd put the Coldplay playlist on and lied down on the couch, reading a script.  
Merlin walked in. "I didn't know you like Coldplay", he said in a curious tone.  
"Problem?"  
"No!", Merlin defended, "I like them too!" He backed out into the kitchen.  
Arthur was amused that they had something in common. Maybe they had a similar taste in music?

* * *

  
When Arthur saw Merlin's MP3-player lying around on the dining table he couldn't resist. He plugged the device into his loudspeakers. Merlin was out, grocery shopping, so Arthur could have a little listen without complaint.  
He chose a random song and settled on the couch, picking the script up again. The song sounded a bit...dark, though not too bad. But then the voice grew more bitter and suddenly started screaming  
 _'Why won't you die_  
 _Your blood in mine_  
 _We'll be fine_  
 _Then your body will be mine'_  
and the song got calmer again.  
Arthur's initial shock was soon replaced by wonder. Merlin listened to such music? Clumsy, harmless, annoying but forever grinning Merlin?  
He couldn't believe it. The song was probably on there by mistake, by a friend, whatever. Arthur had to know. So when Merlin got back, he asked.  
"You just took it without asking?", Merlin interrupted before Arthur finished.  
"Yes. Anyway, there was this song", Arthur paused and looked at the MP3-player, "called 'System' and it's way too dark for dorky, happy-go-lucky Merlin, so what's it doing there?"  
Had Merlin gone pale while Arthur was talking? He was always pale, so it was hard to tell, but he definitely seemed unsure about how to answer.  
"Did you put it on there? The song?", Arthur continued to get Merlin to answer.  
"Yes. I put the song on my MP3-player."  
Arthur's surprise must have shown, because Merlin began explaining. "I haven't synced it with a computer in ages, in over a year. I...I used to be depressed. I was going through a rough time, so the music I listened to got...darker."  
"Merlin...", Arthur began, but he was at loss what to say.  
"Your depression", Arthur tried again, understanding suddenly, "is that the reason why you were unemployed?"  
The same embarrassment that had appeared in the car when Merlin first told Arthur about his unemployment was now creeping into Merlin's features and voice when he spoke. "I was never clinically depressed, so I was able to get out...I was able to overcome it. It was difficult, but, well... here I am", he said with a shy smile.  
Arthur wanted to ask him what had made him sad in the first place, but he didn't want to go too far.  
Instead he put one hand on the should of the man in front of him and squeezed it reassuringly. Merlin must have misunderstood the gesture because he was moving closer. "Merlin, what are you doing?", Arthur asked, backing away.  
Merlin also backed away, uncertain. "I thought you were going for a hug...", he trailed off.  
"Noo", Arthur said, shaking his head slightly. Merlin looked at the ground and Arthur cleared his throat before declaring "Come on, let's go out and eat" and if he smiled saying this it was because he was hungry not because he wanted to cheer Merlin up.  
They went to a fast food restaurant, Arthur with large sunglasses, ones he wore often when going out. It helped a little bit against being recognised constantly so that he could have some casual trips without being disturbed.  
Merlin didn't like the sunglasses. "I can never see where you're looking. It's really irritating", he said, licking the ketchup off a piece of lettuce hanging out of his burger. Arthur stared.  
After a moment of silence, in which Merlin started looking curiously at Arthur, he laughed. "Merlin you're terrible at eating."  
Merlin pouted. "Well it is difficult eating something that keeps dripping and has bits falling out", he said, indicating to the bits of veggie that had fallen out of his burger onto the tray, "besides, at least I haven't tried eating a burger with knife and fork."  
Arthur snorted, pretending to feel offended. "Neither have I!"  
"But you would", Merlin explains, sounding very sure before his facade broke and they both fell into fits of laughter. **  
**


	5. Chapter 5

“Merlin, will you shut up and just say the lines!”, Arthur punctuated aggressively.  
“But we need to go to an interview! The car will be here any minute!”  
“Yes, and until then I am trying to learn the bloomin’ script if you were kind enough to comply”, heavy sarcasm leaking into his voice.  
Merlin pressed his lips together. Arthur knew he would give in, he just wished he’d hurry up with it. Then he did, finally, look at the script.  
“Jason, please! Don’t go! It’s too dangerous!”, Merlin read aloud in a terrible imitation of Gwen’s voice.  
“My love, you know you are to me the only flower in a desert, the ray of light in a room filled only with shadows, but you shine a light upon the darkest corners, thus revealing its secrets. I cannot stay!”  
“You’re so dramatic”, Merlin said, sounding so much like Merlin that Arthur double-checked that that was actually in the script.  
“The strength of my love for you is dramatic, I-” but Arthur was interrupted by a doorbell.  
“The car!”, Merlin exclaimed and stared pointedly at Arthur.  
“Yes, yes”, he grumbled reluctantly, walking out the door with his script still in his hand, leaving the bags to Merlin.

* * *

Merlin and Arthur had barely stepped out the car when Gwen was infront of them, a beautiful unknown woman in tow.  
“Merlin, this is Nimueh. She’s a guest star on one of the episodes.”  
The beauty, Nimueh, extended her hand towards Merlin, who, after a moment, only blinked, reached for her hand and shook it slowly, then threw Gwen a questioning, not-so subtle glance.  
Gwen and Merlin had grown very close and they could apparently now have telepathic conversations, because after some more glances to Gwen Merlin’s confusion seemed to have faded, but Arthur’s hadn’t.  
When Nimueh and Merlin suddenly became engrossed in a conversation Arthur was fed up of feeling left out and pulled Gwen aside. “What on earth?”, he just asked.  
“Not everything evolves around you, you know.”  
“What? I never said-“  
Gwen rolled her eyes and interrupted him. “Nimueh has a crush on Merlin and asked me to introduce her and they have a lot in common, so…”  
“So you’re matchmaking”, Arthur stated.  
“Yes. I suppose. What’s it to you?”  
Arthur chose to ignore that. “Wait - she has a crush on someone she hadn’t even met until now?”  
“Really, Arthur, you of all people must know that having a crush on someone you haven’t met, on a celebrity, isn’t uncommon.”  
“Merlin’s not a celebrity!”  
“No, but he has had some fame since he is often seen with you. Now stop complaining and allow him a little flirt.” Gwen tutted and walked to the shuttle that would take them to the set.  
Arthur looked at Merlin and Nimueh. What on earth was so bloody funny that they kept laughing?  
He approached them in a firece stride and when Merlin noticed Arthur glowering next to them he jumped slightly. “We were just talking about our favourite movie-” Our favourite movie? They had their favourite movie in common? Arthur stared at Nimueh “-you know, the one I keep telling you to watch. It’s nice to talk to someone who, unlike you, appreciates its awesomeness.”  
“Merely because I have not yet had the pleasure of watching it”, he replied, forcing a polite smile. “I’m Arthur, his boss. Full time employment. Most honourable. Isn’t that right, Merlin?”  
“Exceptionally honourable”, Merlin said, winking at Nimueh and they both cackled.  
“I’m Nimueh.”  
Neither Nimueh nor Arthur moved their hands in the slightest. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

* * *

“So”, Arthur began, his tone casual. He was an actor after all. He could avoid sounding like he was prying. “You got yourself a girlfriend, then?”  
Two weeks had passed. Two weeks of filming. Of seeing Nimueh and Merlin sitting together, chatting in every free minute. It was the last day of filming for Nimueh, so the relationship would have to be defined, to be settled, for it to continue outside work.  
Merlin looked so confused Arthur could practically see a huge questionmark hovering over his head.  
“Who…?”, he asked, but an expression of understanding suddenly wiped away the confused look. “You mean Freya?”, Merlin asked, amused.  
Arthur’s eyes widenend. Freya? Who on earth was Freya? How many women did Merlin have in his life, exactly?  
“Look, I don’t know what you saw, but Freya and I-“  
Here Arthur interrupted him. “I meant Nimueh!”, he exclaimed, throwing his hands up, “Who in the name of all that is good is Freya?”  
At first Merlin looked surprised, then disapproving. “Arthur, don’t you even know anyone’s names on the crew? She does your make-up!”  
When he thought about it he didn’t really know names to the faces on set, but he’d gotten away with it so far.  
“Well. Now I know”, Arthur said finally, waiting for Merlin to explain Nimueh. But he did not.

* * *

“I can’t believe you want to watch it after all! You actually listened to me”, Merlin ranted, excited, putting the DVD into the slit on the side of the TV, then settled on the couch next to Arthur.  
“Popcorn?”, he offered. Merlin readily grabbed a handful. ”This better be a damn good movie”, Arthur muttered.  
“Oh yes!”

* * *

“Nimueh wants to meet me, can I get the rest of the day off?”, Merlin asked, putting the phone down. Arthur looked up from his laptop.  
“I’ll expect you back by morning”, he threatened and turned back to his computer.  
“Morning? What?” But Merlin quickly understood what Arthur was implying.  
“Arthur”, Merlin walked over to him. “Nimueh isn’t my girlfriend. We’re just mates.”  
“Rubbish, no-one is just mates with a girl, especially not a beauty like her.”  
Arthur did not find her attractive, but he had learned to know what society found beautiful. Nimueh certainly fulfilled the requirements.  
Merlin looked a little put on the spot, unsure. Of course. Arthur understood.  
“No, you don’t understand. I have no feelings for her.”  
“But she for you”, Arthur said before he could stop himself.  
Merlin pursed his lips. “I’ve explained to her that the case is hopeless. Now we are just mates, no ulterior motive, okay?”  
Hopeless. Why was it hopeless?  
“I would have let you go without the explanation you know”, Arthur muttered, rolling his eyes.  
For a second Merlin looked offended, but he was out the door before Arthur could take a closer look.

* * *

“Liza! We are destined to be! My love for you will outlast the universe!”  
“Oh, Jason!”  
At which point Jason and Liza started kissing wildly, so Arthur and Merlin set the scripts aside.  
Silence ensued.  
“Tea?”, Merlin broke into it.  
“Yes”, Arthur replied.  
“What’s the magic word?”, Merlin asked expectantly.  
“Avada kedavra?”  
“Very funny”, Merlin shook his head, heading to the catering area.  
“Please”, Arthur whispered, certain Merlin would not hear it. But he did, because he turned around and beamed at Arthur before squashing across the grass in his wellies.  
“Are you ready? Do you feel…prepared?”, Merlin asked when he returned with two mugs of tea.  
“I suppose. It’s a big thing, the season finale and all…”, Arthur trailed off, suddenly feeling ill.  
Merlin reached and patted Arthur’s shoulder, which made him relax a little, drinking his tea, ignoring the hand on his shoulder but appreciating the calmness it appeared to send into Arthur’s system.  
It was the day of the shoot for the huge scene for the season finale and everyone was under pressure.The two of them sat on plastic chairs in front of Arthur’s caravan. Arthur felt like leaning against Merlin and let calm wash over him, when he saw Uther before them.  
His body tensed, stiff. Merlin must have noticed, because he tried calming him again, but Arthur brushed him off.  
“Hello Arthur. I heard this is an important day in filming, so I came to give my brother-in-law my support. Have you seen him?”, Uther said in the same smiling but distant way as always since…  
“Agravaine ought to be in his trailer.”  
Uther nodded at Arthur and Merlin and left.  
Only when Merlin touched his arm did Arthur realise that he was shaking.  
“Are you alright? Arthur?”  
Merlin was so concerned. It annoyed Arthur. But a part of him wanted to explain his behaviour, so he did.  
“My father wanted me to be a lawyer. A lawyer. Like him. Not an actor. Not like my late mother. When I pursued the career despite this he disowned me. Morgana sided with me and has been helping out as a sort of agent ever since. Uther comes to events every now and then on the excuse of visiting my mother’s brother, the producer, Agravaine, and taunts me.”  
Arthur was shaking with emotion. He inhaled, half-expecting Merlin to hug him, but Merlin did not move. He simply stared at Arthur.  
“Your father is being very unfair. Isn’t there a way to make him understand how much acting means to you?”  
Arthur shook his head. He had tried everything. His father only grew more and more intolerant with every attempt.  
“Surely there is a way, there must be-” Merlin tried again. Arthur began regretting telling Merlin.  
“Let it go, Merlin.”  
“What? No! He can’t behave this way! It’s not, not-“  
“That’s enough!”, Arthur said harshly, too hurt to know what he was saying. “Know your place!”  
Merlin looked as shocked as Arthur felt after the words were out and Arthur mumbled “Why can’t you just let me be?”  
Merlin was angry. “I’m your friend!”  
Friend. The word stung Arthur. He had not had a friend in many years. But of course...they were friends.  
“Uther thinks I do not deserve to act, let alone have friends.”  
Arthur heard his voice break slightly. He looked to the ground.  
Merlin moved in front of him, forcing Arthur to look at him. His eyes locked with Merlin’s and he felt very vulnerable.  
“Arthur”, Arthur felt uncomfortable, but he retained the eye contact, ”Don’t let anyone tell you ever that you don’t deserve what you want”, Merlin said earnestly, with a sincerity that made Arthur look away again.  
He felt exposed. He was on set. He had to do a big scene. Panic settled in his chest and his eyes fluttered back to meet Merlin’s.  
“I know it’s hard for you to understand how I feel”, Merlin said seriously and paused, the corners of his mouth lifting, “but I really like that tv show and I don’t want you messing it up.”  
His eyes were filled with a warmth Arthur had never felt before, a soft smile on his lips.  
Arthur let out a short, quiet laugh, the warmth of Merlin’s gaze spreading in his body, healing, calming.  
“I can do this”, he said quietly.  
“Yes you can”, Merlin assured, then added, almost too quiet for Arthur to hear, “I believe in you.”  
Arthur felt strong. Not even Uther could get him off track now. One of the crew members beckoned for Arthur to go into make-up and he did, his eyes on Merlin.

* * *

After the inofficial party with cast and crew celebrating the successful end of shooting, Arthur had a great feeling about the big scenes.  
He and Merlin fell into their hotel beds, exhausted from partying. Merlin wiggled out of his clothes and grabbed his sleeping mask. Arthur stared, surprised that Merlin had the energy to move, especially with a bed so close by. He pulled the sleeping mask over his head, and Arthur could not resist commenting “You’re such a girl, Merlin”.  
Merlin moved the mask onto his forehead, frowned at Arthur and proceeded to the light switch next to the door. He obviously did not know that there were light switches next to the beds.  
Arthur fell asleep, unable to keep his eyes open.  
When he re-opened them Merlin was asleep, his sleeping mask still placed not over his eyes, but his forehead.  
Chuckling, Arthur muttered “What’s the point in that?” and threw his pillow at Merlin, who woke, grumbling a half-hearted “Oi.”  
“Get up or we won’t get any breakfast!”  
When Merlin tried to exit his bed he tumbled to the ground, to which Arthur burst into a laugh.  
In response Merlin threw the pillow at Arthur’s head.

* * *

Arthur sighed as he lowered the phone from his ear after hanging up. What a drag.  
“What is it?”, Merlin asked, seeing Arthur’s expression.  
“Morgana has invited us to a party.”  
Morgana knew how much he hated those parties, full of pretentious people hovering around him. It was stressful, exhausting and Arthur hated every minute of it. Everyone at those parties were predators, and he was their prey. Why would Morgana put him through all that?  
But now he had Merlin. With Merlin there it didn’t seem so bad.  
“We should go then, I guess…”  
“Yeah”, Arthur said, managing a smile.

* * *

The party was held in Morgana’s flat. Merlin had been before, but Arthur could again see the amazement on Merlin’s face taking in how huge and well decorated her flat was.  
Gwen spotted them when they came into the gigantic open-plan kitchen where most guests were.  
“Hello you two. You both look absolutely dashing! If you weren’t so obviously gay for each other I would be trying my best to get a piece of-“  
“Gwen!”, Merlin hissed, blushing for her. Arthur knew she didn’t really think of them that way so he wasn’t offended. She’d tried coupling Merlin with Nimueh after all.  
“Speak of the devil”, Arthur muttered as Nimueh appeared, grabbing Merlin and tugging him away before Arthur had a chance to do anything about it.  
“Crazy bi-“  
“Arthur!”  
“But she is!”  
“You’re just jealous she ran off with Merlin.”  
Not jealous. Just annoyed. “Merlin can do whatever he wants.”  
They both knew that wasn’t true, but thankfully Gwen decided not to comment and Merlin and Nimueh re-emerged.  
“Sorry about that”, Merlin said. He and Nimueh looked really tense, annoyed. At each other? Why?  
Then Arthur noticed no-one was using the football table. He looked at Merlin. “Wanna play?”, he asked, motioning towards the table.  
“Sure!”  
Merlin exchanged one more look with Nimueh, then one with Gwen before joining Arthur. Them and their telepathic conversations sparked his curiosity and only with a lot of willpower he managed to avoid asking Merlin about it. It was none of his business after all.  
Merlin grinned at him. “You’re going down!”  
“In your dreams!”  
They were still playing, eager to win, when Morgana interrupted them.  
“Boys, it’s 1am. Do you maybe want to give it a rest? Do something else?”  
Wow. Arthur had not noticed time passing so quickly. They gave in and settled onto a couch, realising they were actually rather tired now that they weren’t so focused on the game.  
“If we’d have kept going I’d have won”, Merlin mumbled.  
“In your”, Arthur yawned, “dreams.”  
“You’ve said that before. I’ll see you there then.”  
Arthur looked at him. “Where?”  
Merlin smiled. “In my dreams.”  
He fell asleep, leaving Arthur with a strange feeling, like a fluttering in his tummy, and an unfamiliar warmth spreading from there.  
Before he could further inspect these feeling he, too, fell asleep.  
They were woken by Morgana. He could hear the words “overworked”, “not enough sleep”, “poor things” and opened his eyes. He felt a weight on his side and realised he and Merlin were leaning against each other.  
He poked Merlin while Morgana chattered on.  
Merlin’s eyes opened slowly, his head turning and Arthur could see on Merlin’s face the precise moment in which he became aware of the situation. A blush crept into his cheeks and ears and he sprang up from the couch.  
Soon afterwards they went home.  
Arthur could barely believe he’d survived a party with little unpleasantness. Merlin had been there.  
He smiled into himself.

* * *

They had been discussing the successful season finale and the upcoming wrap party when the discussion moved to Jason and Liza, the heroes, and their romance.  
Merlin thought the relationship was over the top, but sweet, whereas Arthur, sneering, tried to make clear that, while his character Jason was truly madly in love with Liza, he found the relationship idiotic.  
“Love is a power play, a game. One I would not wish to participate in”, he explained, annoyed of Merlin’s insistance of the benefits of Liza’s and Jason’s relationship, how happy it made them. It made Arthur want to puke.  
“But Arthur, love is so much more than that-“, Merlin began, but Arthur had had enough.  
“I know, looking at one another with googly eyes, forgetting the world…basically acting like utter fools. Love is not for me.”  
Merlin said nothing to that.  
“I’ll go make supper”, he mumbled and went into the kitchen.

* * *

Next up was a film festival to which Arthur’s uncle had invited him.  
Merlin was terribly excited.  
“This is all so terribly exciting”, he said, nearly skipping down the red carpet. ”Don’t you think so?”  
“Perhaps I’m less easily impressed than you”, Arthur replied but with a smile.  
They stopped at the press gathering for Arthur to pose for the cameras, Merlin waiting for him just out of reach of the press.  
But apparently not quite out of reach enough because he saw an interviewer talk to Merlin. He joined them quickly, only just in time to hear the interviewer’s question. “We spoke to an old classmate of yours, who told us that you are a homosexual. Is this true? And if so-”  
The cheek! How dare they ask this? Arthur looked at Merlin, but he looked utterly unable to answer, his hands trembling, eyes wide.  
“No comment”, Arthur interrupted the interviewer, pushing Merlin into the pressless foyer.  
Merlin meanwhile was practically hyperventilating. At loss what to do, Arthur just started talking about the first thing that came to his mind to calm Merlin down.  
“Did you know my first movie was shown at this festival? Quite long ago. Uther was furious. But I didn’t care. I’d auditioned in secret. It was the first time I’d properly rebelled against my father. It was scary. But I was proud. The movie was about a boy who got bullied but pulled through. He got stronger and stronger and fought back. Not physically, he gained mental strength, he-“, Arthur stopped ranting.  
His assistant was crying.  
“Merlin…”  
He bit his lip, checked if anyone was looking, if there were cameras. There weren’t.  
So he put an arm around Merlin and pulled him into a hug. Shaking hands clung to Arthur, the hug tightening. Merlin’s face was buried into Arthur’s shoulder.  
They stood like that for a moment.  
“Arthur…”  
A soft voice. But not Merlin’s. It was Morgana.  
“I’m sorry boys”, she really sounded sorry, surprisingly, “but if you get caught on camera-“  
Then Merlin stepped away from Arthur. ”You’re right. Let’s go enjoy the film festival.”  
Arthur frowned. “Are you sure? Don’t you want to-“  
It seemed Merlin knew what he was going to say. “No, I’m fine. Your uncle will be disappointed if you leave already.”  
“You should go wash your face though, you look terrible.”  
“Why thank you, Arthur, you’re too kind”, Merlin replied inanely and left for the restroom.  
“What happened?”, Morgana asked when Merlin was out of sight.  
He thought about this for a moment. Why had the question triggered that reaction in Merlin?  
“An interviewer asked if Merlin were gay.”  
“Should I go kick that interviewer in his private parts?”  
Arthur laughed a little. She sounded serious.

* * *

Merlin was quiet during the film screening. He seemed to be pushing himself, forcing himself to be excited and act normal.  
Arthur was confused. Being asked about one's sexuality was not something people usually cried about. There was not much of a confrontation - just the question, right? But Merlin had cried. Maybe Arthur's ranting had been counter-productive, but the interviewer's question had been the cause of Merlin's distress. Certainly, many men seemed to despise the idea of being called gay, but Merlin didn't seem like that type of person. Merlin wasn't homophobic.

Unfortunately Merlin did not seem ready to talk and he seemed too unstable for Arthur to press him about it, so the many questions in Arthur's head were left unanswered.  
Back at the flat, Merlin retired for the night as soon as he’d entered.  
The next morning Arthur wanted to ask whether he’d like to eat out for brunch once he woke up. When Merlin did not come out at the usual time Arthur knocked on Merlin’s door and did not wait for an answer before going inside.  
Merlin was sitting at his desk, his arms crossed on the table and his head resting on them. His eyes were on the table, but slowly they moved up and fixed on Arthur. He looked so small, so insecure and vulnerable that Arthur was suddenly unsure what to say.  
“Good morning”, Merlin said, sounding as tired as he looked. Arthur wondered whether he’d slept at all last night with those bags under his eyes.  
“Morning. I was wondering whether we should eat out for breakfast…lunch…brunch…whatever.”  
“Sure”, Merlin said slowly, raising his head, ”just gimme a few minutes to get ready.”

* * *

Sitting either side of the table Arthur watched Merlin through his sunglasses. Merlin sighed, irritated.  
“Enough”, he said, reaching out towards Arthur’s face and taking the sunglasses. “I want to see your eyes”, he said, eyes locking with Arthur’s.  
Arthur’s stomache felt weird for a moment before remembering that Merlin had complained before about not knowing where Arthur was looking with the sunglasses on. The strange fluttering stopped.  
He remembered something he’d wanted to talk about with Merlin. Lowering his voice, he said “Merlin, I just wanted to say about the hug...it would be best to pretend it never happened. You know how the press is. If they were at all to hear..”  
“I understand.” Merlin had an odd expression,staring at his food.  
“Okay. Good.” The look on Merlin’s face made Arthur feel less relieved. Weird.

* * *

Merlin was much quieter than usual. He didn’t talk back and spoke only when absolutely necessary.  
It started to really bother Arthur.  
“I think I miss your chatter, Merlin. Odd, isn’t it?”, Arthur said as he watched Merlin cook their dinner, who replied with a grunting sound, obviously not recognizing the compliment, so Arthur decided to make himself clearer.  
“I must’ve grown to like it...and like you”, he admitted with some difficulty. “Now that I know you’re not as stupid as you look”, he added to make it easier on himself.  
“I feel the same”, Merlin said with a smile. “You’re not quite the arrogant prat I believed you to be.”  
Arthur frowned. “I’ll take that as a compliment...?” Merlin chuckled.  
He was more Merlin again after that. It gladdened Arthur greatly.


	6. Chapter 6

“I have nothing to wear”, Arthur declared as he took a look inside his wardrobe.  
Merlin’s laugh echoed from the kitchen through the flat. “Nonsense.”  
“If you don’t want tabloids thinking you only own two suits you need to keep showing up in new ones”, Arthur explained, sighing.  
Poking his head round the doorway, Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Alright then, let’s go shopping.”

* * *

Arthur always went shopping alone. Always. Though sometimes Morgana forced him into accepting advice, but he tried not to actually go shopping with her.  
But here he was, equipped with shades and a cap in a taxi on the way to the city centre with Merlin.   
When they first met, Merlin had worn a t-shirt with the show’s logo on it and jeans. He wore pretty much the same outfit everyday (excepting public appearances) since. T-shirts from shows, bands or just funny ones with puns on or whatever - Merlin was hardly going to be a useful ally in the shopping hunt.  
They were dropped off at a mall with many designer names. Finding a nice suit was easy. Merlin was a harsh judge, quiet for a few moments after Arthur stepped out of the dressing room, wearing a tightly-tailored suit.  
After carefully examining Arthur from head to toes in silence Merlin would say whether the suit was a keeper or not. They successfully bought new suits which were sent to Arthur’s flat.  
Arthur enjoyed shopping with Merlin, particularly those moments in which Merlin would observe his outfit. He felt like shopping for some casual clothes aswell. Merlin readily agreed.  
Trying on slim jeans Merlin examined him again for a long time, probably checking for damage. A loose thread or so.  
Somehow Merlin managed to talk Arthur into getting one of those pun-tastic shirts, too.  
Afterwards they had icecream. It was delicious, so Arthur devoured it slowly, savouring it with slow licks. When he was done, he looked at Merlin.  
“You’ve hardly eaten yours!”  
Merlin’s icecream was practically intact. He blushed and started eating quickly.  
“You’ll get a brainfreeze”, Arthur added.

* * *

“What?! But why?!”, Arthur exclaimed, laughing in arrogant disbelief.  
“Merlin is a fairly public figure now, you know that. And there seems to be interest. You’ll just have to do it with him. Surely that isn’t a problem.”  
Morgana’s phone call came while he and Merlin waited backstage for Arthur’s cue at a talkshow.  
He looked at Merlin. “I’ll talk to him.”  
“Call me when you have an answer, but remember: it’s his decision.” She hung up.  
“Merlin, you’ve been invited to the photoshoot and interview next week.”  
Merlin frowned. “But I would have tagged along even without an invitation.”  
“No, you’re not just asked to attend, but to participate too.” And the penny drops.  
Apparently it was a huge penny and it fell onto Merlin’s head, because he was shocked into silence, unmoving for what felt like ages before he pretty much shouted “What!”  
“Calm down”, Arthur began, because Merlin was pacing and drawing the attention of everyone backstage to himself.  
“What! Why would they want to - I’m just your assistant!” He looked positively terrified.  
“You have been noticed, there is some interest in you, for whatever reason. Stop panicking, I’ll be there too, okay?”  
Arthur put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “Do you want me to accept the invitation?”  
Merlin hesitated. “You’ll be there?”  
“Yes.”  
“All the time?”  
“Yes!”  
“Okay, I’ll do it”, Merlin said, with a stubborn expression on his face as if he were fighting the urge to back out.

* * *

They were presented with a wardrobe of suits, but women appeared and rummage in the rack, thrusting suits upon them and leaving them no choice in the matter.  
Merlin emerged from the dressing room in a grey-purple-ish suit with a black tie and Arthur realised they matched, as Arthur wore a black suit and a tie in the same colour as Merlin’s suit.  
He was not expecting that Merlin’s looks would improve with the costly suit. But they did.  
“You look”, Arthur began, unsure what to say, before settling for “good”.  
“Th-“, Merlin cleared his throat, “thank you. So do you.”  
“Ready?”, a woman asked, destroying their little bubble.  
Merlin nodded. “Yes”, Arthur said and they followed her to the large, light room filled with all the photographical equipment. His assistant stayed one step behind him and when they stopped, waiting for the photographer’s orders, Arthur glanced at the nervous wreck that was Merlin.  
“You’ll be fine. This is just pictures. After the interview, if we do it right, their interest in you is satisfied and they’ll leave you alone from then on, okay? So just…play along.”  
The photoshoot went well. Merlin got his act together and did quite a good job posing with Arthur. He must have studied Arthur everytime he posed and learnt well.  
They changed back into their own clothes for the interview. The interviewer was already waiting for them. They say down after greetings and beckoned for him to begin.  
“Mr. Pendragon, you have just recently finished a tv series. What’s next?”  
“Well, I have my other show, but I’ve auditioned for some projects which I look forward to.”  
“So you’ve already been accepted by some? Can you tell us which?”  
I’m afraid not.”  
“I see. Mr. Emrys, you are, as we are told, Mr. Pendragon’s assistant. Can you give us a description of your duties?”  
“Er-“  
“I’m sure”, Arthur interrupted before Merlin could speak, “that you are aware of the definition ‘assistant’ and know what the job entails?”  
“Certainly Mr. Pendragon, yet you must admit that the case is a curious one, Ms. Morgana Pendragon fulfilling that role more than Mr. Emrys.”  
Arthur did not admit, so the interviewer changed the subject.  
“Could you give us anything on the upcoming season? When does it air? Any spoilers you can give?”  
“If all goes well it will air later this year. The new season will be very exciting, full of dark secrets and a twist to Jason and Liza’s relationship.”  
“That does sound exciting. Mr. Emrys, do you act?”  
Arthur looked at Merlin. He could safely answer that himself.  
“I do. Not professionally like my boss, but I was in drama club at school and worked at the theatre.”  
Despite it being better to avoid implications of them being close Arthur would have preferred it if Merlin had not called him ‘his boss’. But that thought was forgotten when he listened to what Merlin said.  
“So before becoming the assistant of Arthur Pendragon you worked at the theatre?”  
Arthur was glad this wasn’t a video interview and that merely their voices were being recorded because he must have had a strange expression on his face when he realised Merlin had been an actor and Arthur had never known. It explained his talent during the readthrough of scripts, though.  
“Y-yes”, Merlin was answering meanwhile.  
“Rumour has it that the two of you live together. Is this true?”  
Arthur wanted to say it was none of his business, but instead he told him how indispensable Merlin (he did not say Merlin, he said ‘his assistant’) was and that it was necessary to have him close by.  
It wasn’t supposed to be a confirmation of the question, but an indirect one it certainly was. Merlin stared at the ground.

* * *

“See? It wasn’t so terrible, was it?”  
“Well…”  
“Don’t be such a girl, Merlin!”  
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you shouldn’t insult the one who gives you food? Besides, you say it like it’s an insult to be a woman, Arthur. Be careful.”  
They were back at the flat. Arthur felt on edge, he wanted to exercise. A run? Or…  
“Let’s play football.”  
“What?”  
“Football. Soccer. This building has an indoor football ground. Very small, but good enough for just two players.”  
“Oh…I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Merlin shuffled on his feet. Arthur raised an eyebrow. ”I’m terrible at it. I never played as a child like all the other boys”, Merlin explained.  
“Why not?”  
“The boys didn’t let me.”  
Arthur felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Never? Not even when you were older?”, he asked, concerned.  
Merlin chuckled dryly. “No. Especially not when I was older.”  
Silence. Slowly Arthur was beginning to understand where the cause for Merlin’s depression might have been.  
“I had one friend in school, Will…but he didn’t like football”, Merlin continued.  
“And your dad? Did he ever play with you?” Uther never did any such thing, but Arthur thought other fathers did.  
“I never met him. He left Mum before she knew she was pregnant.”  
Arthur was beginning to feel like an arse, and the gut-punch feeling intensified. He looked at Merlin, feeling sad. “I’m sorry.”  
Merlin. He knew so little of his only real friend. But that was normal, right? There isn’t a moment in time where the rulebook says you reveal all. There is no rulebook. You slowly get to know each other.  
And Arthur wanted to know Merlin. More than he did now. Much more. And he wanted Merlin to know him.  
“I never met my mother, either”, Arthur confessed.  
Merlin looked at him affectionately and Arthur’s strange fluttering returned.  
“I’m sorry”, Merlin said and they were silent for a while, before smiling at each other awkwardly.  
“Well”, Merlin said, “That was tragic.”  
Arthur grinned. “Not as tragic as your face.”  
Merlin paused, looking irritated. “That was... uncalled for.”  
“Your face is uncalled for”, Arthur retorted.  
They looked at each other seriously for a moment before laughing madly until they were in stitches.  
When they started getting their breath back Merlin said “I didn’t even know you had the time to watch silly videos on youtube.”  
That’s where Merlin was wrong. Besides ego-surfing every now and then Arthur enjoyed spending free time on ridiculous youtube videos.  
The conversation led to them switching Arthur’s laptop on and showing each other their favourite youtube videos for hours.  
“Don’t be stupid, Merlin, no-one can sing the Nyancat song”, Arthur argued, snorting.  
“You two seem to be having fun”, said a voice belonging to neither Merlin nor Arthur.  
“Merlin, don’t look now, but I think there’s a burglar in our flat. Came through the front door, even.”  
“Very funny, Arthur”, Morgana muttered, rolling her eyes.  
“Hi Morgana”, Merlin greeted and looked at his watch. “Crap! The store closes soon and I need-“, he disappeared into his room and emerged in coat and shoes. “See you later. Sorry!” He ran out.  
Arthur shook his head. Sometimes Merlin was terribly disorganised. But he had to admit that he hadn’t noticed either how quickly time had passed that afternoon.  
“How is he?”, Morgana asked lightly.   
Considering the talk with Merlin earlier Morgana’s concern wasn’t too odd.  
“Better, I think. We talked earlier and-“, Arthur paused, putting his face in his hands. “I think he used to get bullied. A lot.”  
Merlin. How could they? Why would anyone…  
“He needed cheering up. He was so sad, I just - I didn’t -“   
Arthur wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. “Looking at him made me feel - feel so - so-“  
“Terrible?”, Morgana broke in, “Like you could never be happy if he isn’t?”  
Yes. Exactly like that! …Wait. “Morgana, what are you saying?”  
His sister smiled knowingly and with rare tenderness. “Arthur, you’re in love with Merlin!”  
“I- what?”  
Arthur was dumbfounded. He stared at her.  
Merlin?  
Merlin?!  
His body responded to the thought of Merlin. He became aware of his beating heart. His hands were tingling with the need to touch.  
So the fluttering in his stomache wasn’t indigestion…  
He was in love. With Merlin.  
Arthur. In love. With Merlin.  
“No!”, he heard himself say suddenly, “I’m not-“  
“Arthur! Stop this! Calm down!”  
He’d started shaking, rocking back and forth.  
“Arthur, it’s alright. Pendragon’s are difficult with love. Very much so. Emotional distance, keeping inside your comfortzone. But this has ended for you. You’ve fallen in love. Arthur, the minute you let him under your skin, the minute you accept your feelings, is when you’ll begin to feel better.”  
“Uther…”  
“Oh nevermind him! This is your life, he cannot rule over you. I know defying him was hard, but it was the right thing. Don’t be afraid, Arthur. Just imagine. Imagine being with Merlin forever. Not alone anymore. Having Merlin.”  
Arthur wanted that so much it terrified him. He took a deep breath.  
All of a sudden he started putting the pieces together. “This was your plan all along! Not to find me an assistant, but to matchmake! That’s why Merlin’s job is little more than tagging along wherever I go!”, he blurted out accusingly.  
“Actually, no, the love bit was all you. I just tried to find you a friend. Had a hunch that it must be destiny that you kept happening on each other that fateful day”, she confided wistfully.  
Arthur felt his cheeks heat up. Destiny? The more he thought about it the less nonsensical the idea became.  
He never thought he was gay. He never thought he was straight, either. He never thought he was anything. But now he was. He was something. Merlin had made him into something.  
“I miss Merlin”, he mumbled.  
“Oh give over, he’s just gone to the shops. He’ll be back soon.”  
“Can you stay? I’m not sure I want to be alone with him while my head is such a mess. Just… draw his attention from me for the evening.” Morgana huffed in annoyance.  
“Fine, but just this evening. You better recover soon!”, she ordered, patting him on the shoulder.

* * *

The rest of the evening Arthur stared at Merlin a lot. Much more than usual.  
But when he thought about it, it probably wasn’t more than usual, it was just that now he was doing it consciously.  
Morgana did a good job of keeping Merlin occupied and distracted, which Arthur was very grateful for. Especially since Arthur was staring excessively and was thoughtfully delving his mind.

* * *

The next day Arthur was busy until evening. He was glad that the work took his mind off Merlin at least a little.  
Being around Merlin while he was still trying to accept his feelings killed him. And unfortunately Merlin accompanied Arthur pretty much everywhere, so Arthur could not escape his thoughts very easily.  
The day was over and they returned to their flat.  
“I’ll go make dinner”, Merlin mumbled, not even sitting down before going to work right away. Arthur felt sorry. Merlin must have been as tired as Arthur, but he didn’t neglect his duties.  
“Do you need help?”, Arthur blurted out.  
Merlin’s eyes widened in surprise, which made Arthur feel even worse. Why? It was Merlin’s job after all. But…  
“I’ll help you. What can I do?”, Arthur declared, rubbing his hands.  
The corner’s of Merlin’s mouth twitched, he cocked an eyebrow but eventually motioned towards the tomatoes. “You can cut those.”  
He turned away and Arthur wondered where the knives were. This was his flat, damnit! He should know this! He smiled sheepishly but quickly collected himself.   
“Knife!”, he ordered.  
Merlin frowned and handed him a knife. Arthur examined the tomato. He’d never cut one before. He didn’t cook. But he was Arthur Pendragon! He would be able to master a task as mundane as cutting a tomato!  
But after destroying one by using too much force Merlin assigned Arthur to onions instead. He’d peeled them already, luckily.  
Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed when Merlin gave him a glass of water. “Take a gulp and keep it in your mouth. It’ll stop you from crying. And it’ll shut you up.” Merlin grinned cheekily.  
“Maybe you should be the one cutting the onions, then”, Arthur countered but took a mouthful of water. It felt weird not to swallow so Arthur started cutting before it would irritate him too much.  
Looking at Merlin while cutting was a bad idea and he barely escaped cutting himself. He was glad to finally swallow the water with the last onion done.  
“So…we’ve been eating healthy lately”, he said lightly, feeling satisfied with his contribution to today’s meal and settling on a chair.  
“Healthy is good. Healthy keeps fit.”  
“What are you saying?”, Arthur asked, suspicious of Merlin’s tone.  
“Well I need to keep you fit, I er, I mean…I’m responsible for the meal”, Merlin stuttered.   
“Are you saying I’m fat?”, Arthur questioned, feeling affronted despite registering half-consciously that he found Merlin’s nervous, shy state irresistable and adorable. “I’m not fat!”  
“See? It’s working! My meals are healthy!”, Merlin said gleefully and it was clear Merlin’s glee was at Arthur’s expense. It hurt to think, all the mockery aside, that Merlin thought that way. Did he think Arthur was getting fat?  
Arthur knew fretting was stupid, he was in perfectly good shape, but the object of his devotion thinking he was not in good shape or in danger of becoming fat stung.  
“I should visit my family in Ealdor, so I will be taking a few days off. There isn’t anything set, but I’ll tell you when I know dates.”  
Merlin always referred to his family like that. ‘My family in Ealdor’. Arthur knew Merlin’s father wasn’t part of that family, but he wanted to know who was. He wanted to know more about Merlin.  
But he worried that it would be too intimate a question. It would have to be told, not asked for. That would be for the best.  
“Just tell me when you know. Don’t forget, Merlin!”  
Merlin rolled his eyes and returned to the dinner preparations. Arthur sat, pretending to read a book that was lying around but mostly watching Merlin. When Merlin stretched his pale neck was exposed.  
Eyes fixed on Merlin’s adam’s apple he jumped when his loudspeakers suddenly turned on and played his music.  
“What the hell”, Arthur managed to say, surprised, when he remembered he’d set an alarm for the music to start. Somehow he’d had a.m. and p.m. mixed up.  
He explained this to Merlin, who laughed, stirring the contents of the pot.  
After a while Merlin started humming, then singing along and it all ended in them singing   
“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals  
so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel”  
at the top of their lungs.  
Arthur tried his best to ignore the blush that had appeared once he noticed, fully noticed, what they were singing and that they were singing it together. It was a good song though.  
Arthur’s tension and embarrassment took the form of hysterical laughter, and Merlin quickly joined in.


	7. Chapter 7

When Arthur arrived on set he was looking forward to shooting. He was a guest star, which was a good filler between seasons of his long-term show. Merlin was very excited, beaming.  
Arthur had been introduced to the cast before, but Merlin was meeting them for the first time.  
Knowing the cast he should have forseen it. But he had not. The infamous flirt of the cast, Gwaine, introduced himself to Merlin by kissing his hand. What the hell? And to top it off, Merlin blushed and smiled.   
Arthur would have walked off, but leaving Merlin alone with Gwaine seemed very ill-advised, so he grabbed Merlin’s arm and pulled him along.  
“What are you doing?”, came a quick complaint from his irritating assistant.  
“Protecting you. Gwaine has no shame, no morals.”  
He ignored the look Merlin gave him. Merlin was not amused. “Protect me? From being starstruck?”  
Arthur opened his mouth, about to protest that Merlin should feel starstruck about him, but he closed it again before he could say any such embarrassing thing.

* * *

A few hours on set and the annoyance between the two had evaporated. Though Arthur did try to inconspicuously avoid Gwaine and made Merlin follow him everywhere. Merlin was used to that.  
They took a break from shooting and talked and messed around as usual.  
“I’m a ninja”, Merlin stated with a straight face.  
Arthur snorted. Merlin was the opposite of stealthy. “No you’re not.”  
“Did you see me do that?”, Merlin challenged.  
“Do what?”  
“Exactly!”, Merlin said smugly and they both laughed.  
Arthur looked at Merlin, feeling the fondness blooming inside his chest, leaking through into an adoring smile.  
He turned his head hoping Merlin wouldn’t see and tease him for it. The thought made Arthur feel queasy. All he wanted to smile, laugh and touch, but another part of him wanted to crawl into a corner, a hole, somewhere where he couldn’t be seen and judged and…rejected?  
Arthur was disappointed in himself. Him? Scared of rejection? But the thought made him wince. Merlin not looking at him. Merlin leaving him.  
Something was settling in Arthur’s stomache that made him feel sick. But he was not a coward.  
His brain resolved to raise a hand to touch Merlin’s face before his hands were ready to move. Fortunately he remembered that he could mess up his make-up and have to sit through that again, with the make-up lady tutting at him.  
He tore his eyes from Merlin’s pale skin, sharp cheekbones and the addictive smile on his lips and looked to the ground (which wasn’t anywhere near as pleasant to look at).  
Not today.

* * *

“Just because you’re an infamous-“  
“Oi!”  
“-actor doesn’t mean you can’t go have a coffee without those stupid sunglasses on.”  
They were on their way to a coffee shop and Merlin was complaining about the much-hated sunglasses again.  
“No Merlin. When I step out onto the street, in public like this, I just want to be a simple citizen like everyone else.”  
He could have sworn he heard Merlin say “The simple part’s right.”  
But when he asked “What?” in a threatening tone, Merlin replied “I said the sun is very bright.”  
Arthur frowned and looked to the sky. “Yeah. Yeah it is. Which is just another good reason to be wearing these”, he added, pointing at his sunglasses.  
Merlin grinned, but it fell when he looked past Arthur to the street. Arthur’s eyes followed, looking at the same spot.  
A small bundle of fur was lying on the side of the road. Arthur squinted, but Merlin already ran up to it so Arthur quickly jogged after him.  
It was a cat. “It must have been run over…”  
Kneeling down next to the cat (a very tiny one, probably rather a kitten), Merlin declared “It’s still alive!”  
Arthur stared. It was surprising, but even more was the hope in Merlin’s voice, as if the cat could be saved. It’s legs looked broken, bleeding. Even if it survived it wouldn’t have much of a life.  
Merlin knelt over the cat and just stared at it. He looked like a wounded bear.  
“Don’t be such a girl, Merlin. It’s as good as dead. Some scavenger will find it. That’s nature!”  
Merlin shot him a look that made Arthur feel bad instantly, even though he was certain what he said was true.  
“It’s still alive”, Merlin repeated through gritted teeth, untying his scarf. “We’re taking it to a vet.”  
“What? We can’t, there’s no - What are you doing?” It seemed like Merlin was trying to place the kitten on his scarf.   
“Taking it to a vet.” He gently picked the cat, which was resisting slightly, though obviously not strong enough, up and wrapped it carefully in his scarf and held it in his arm.  
“Let’s go”, Merlin said, marching off.  
Arthur sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t say no to Merlin.  
It didn’t take them long to find a vet. From the corner of his eye Arthur watched Merlin. The young man had an expression on his face that was a mix of determination and desperation.  
Fortunately the waiting area was empty and they could go straight through to the vet. Arthur put away his sunglasses (no-one recognized him or said anything as to his identity) while Merlin explained the situation in an even voice, though Arthur having spent so much time with him could detect some worry in it.  
The result was what Arthur had anticipated. The cat had too many injuries to function, all it’s legs were beyond repair. It would have to be put to sleep. The vet knew the owner, who had reported the cat as missing.  
Merlin nodded, understanding what the vet was telling him. Arthur appreciated the vet’s care and choice of words.  
With nothing left for them to do they departed. Merlin was silent, Arthur giving goodbyes for both of them.  
They walked outside when Merlin stopped abruptly and hung his head.  
Wary, Arthur peered into his face and witnessed Merlin’s eyes swelling with tears.  
Comforting anyone really wasn’t one of Arthur’s strong points and he’d never even had to comfort anyone before he met Merlin. And despite feeling very uneasy about such an unpleasant task, Arthur was glad he was the one to be there for Merlin.  
But that didn’t mean that he knew how to go about it.  
He tried punching Merlin’s arm.  
“What was that for?”, Merlin asked, still close to crying but at least distracted, looking irritated.  
“Er. It’s supposed to cheer you up!”   
Arthur was very uncertain about what he was doing, so he thought it best not to reply to Merlin’s “How is punching me supposed to cheer me up?” and just said “I’m sorry” with a stare into Merlin’s blue, tearglistening eyes.  
They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment until Arthur managed to look away from those eyes piercing him as if they could look into his soul.  
Which was nonsense, but he felt slightly shaken nonetheless, with an audible heartbeat.  
He cleared his throat while Merlin wiped his eyes with his sleeves.  
“Coffee?”  
Merlin smiled at him. Did Arthur’s heart just skip a beat? Surely not.  
“Yeah”, Merlin replied and walked ahead.

* * *

Back at the flat Merlin lied down on the couch and put the tv on. “Don’t forget to pack your bag for that...thing”, he called after Arthur.  
“I haven’t forgotten. Have you packed?”, he shouted back from the kitchen.  
“‘Course!”  
When Arthur finished making them tea he was about to order Merlin to make room on the couch, but the man was asleep.  
Arthur set down their mugs and kneeled beside Merlin. Merlin’s eyes still looked puffy and he was frowning. Out of nowhere he shouted “What’s the matter, Arthur? Have you never taken a shortcut before?” and Arthur jumped so hard he nearly knocked the mugs or even the whole coffee table over.  
After blinking a few times he settled back next to Merlin, who looked perfectly peaceful now.  
Arthur stared at him, taking it all in. His ears, his cheekbones…his lips.  
To avoid the inappropriate behaviour his body was planning he snapped his fingers in front of Merlin’s face.  
That predictably didn’t work, so Arthur flicked a finger against Merlin’s forehead.  
Merlin stirred, so Arthur stood up. “Your tea will get cold, Merlin. Now move over”, Arthur complained, hoping he was not blushing anymore.

* * *

Merlin had a notebook. While Arthur worked on the computer he would see Merlin on the couch with a notebook and a pencil, scribbling away, occasionally looking up at Arthur, as if to see whether he was looking. If he wanted privacy with his scribbles he could do it in his room, Arthur had irritably thought once.  
Now Merlin was doing it again. Arthur looked up from his laptop to see Merlin moving his pencil across the inside of the notebook.  
If he didn’t know better he’d guess Merlin wasn’t writing, but sketching. But Arthur didn’t know better and his curiosity was killing him.  
He stood up and walked over to Merlin, who instantly closed his notebook when he noticed Arthur approaching.  
Arthur narrowed his eyes, irritated further by Merlin’s reaction.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Nothing”, Merlin replied and to Arthur’s surprise a deep blush gradually appeared on his face and ears.  
“Are you writing?”  
Merlin shook his head.  
“Sketching?”, Arthur persisted.  
The lack of response and Merlin’s expression were answer enough.  
“You are!”, Arthur exclaimed and detected delight in his own voice. “Show me”, he ordered, trying to contain the unexpected excitement.  
Merlin hesitated, then opened the sketchbook and flicked through the pages - so quickly that Arthur was unable to see more than a blur of pages - before stopping on a sketch of the flowers in the kitchen (they were a present from an award ceremony for winning ‘Best Rear End’ - needless to say the award ceremony was not exactly legitimate and more a joke at a party, but that wasn’t the point).  
Merlin had insisted on keeping the flowers, having them in the flat, and Arthur was glad that he did, because the sketch they inspired was stunning.  
While depicting the flowers absolutely realistically there was something incredibly artistic about the sketch, something someone as ignorant of art as Arthur could not begin to describe or analyse sufficiently.  
Suddenly aware that Merlin was waiting for him to say something Arthur forced a quiet compliment, for some reason too embarrassed to say how much he liked it, and fled into the bathroom.

* * *

There was yet another photoshoot on the agenda (Merlin had breathed a sigh of relief at not having to participate again), after which Arthur directly went to an audition for an underwear advert.  
It was less of an audition and more of an invitation. Arthur consented. He knew his looks were a great part of his charm and occasionally answered the fangirls’ dreams by accepting jobs where he would appear half-naked for some excuse. He didn’t mind. He worked out, his employers were more than happy with him.  
Merlin however was more than reluctant to be in the same room as Arthur whenever his skin was exposed. On set, but in the flat too. If Arthur came out of his bedroom in just his boxers or would emerge from the bathroom in just a towel, Merlin fled into his own bedroom at the speed of light.  
At photoshoots, like this one for underwear, Merlin would hide away in the dressing room or wherever just as long as he wasn’t in the same room as half-naked Arthur.  
Naturally this confused and hurt Arthur. He didn’t let it show, he did his job, but ever since realising that he liked Merlin in that way he felt all the things Merlin did double. While before Arthur could throw it off he was now acutely aware of hurt and why he was hurt. It was sickening.

* * *

Morgana threw another party. The last had been okay, so Arthur agreed to come.  
Merlin looked good, having put on some tight jeans that Arthur had trouble keeping his eyes off, another of those puntastic t-shirts and his hair was styled in a deliberate bedhead look.  
Arthur let Merlin style his hair aswell and loved the feeling of Merlin’s hand running through it before and while Merlin put the product in.  
Morgana greeted them at the door. “Boys! Come in, come in. The party is great! Even you two won’t be able to resist joining in with the fun instead of enjoying yourselves in a shadowy corner.”  
If Morgana’s words hadn’t been so suggestive Arthur would have just raised an eyebrow, but instead he made a strangled noise and, disguising it as a cough, casually commented “If you say so”.  
Morgana smirked wickedly and led them through to the kitchen.  
“Merlin! Arthur!”, Gwen said, grinning at them both before making a startled yelp sound when a guy appeared out of nowhere and put his arm around her waist.  
“Gwaine”, she said, warning, and he took his arm back, laughing.  
He looked at Merlin and Arthur then and grinned. “Good to see the two of you.”  
Arthur made it a point to keep Merlin occupied and away from Gwaine for the entire party, unsettled by the way his gaze had lingered on Merlin. Morgana caught on at some point but thankfully said nothing.  
Arthur did his best to ignore her near manic smiles and focused on the conversation with Merlin, on Merlin’s mop of hair, on his dimples, on his adorable ears, his beautiful eyes, his full lips, his tight jeans…truthfully he was only half paying attention to the conversation, so he didn’t even realise he’d been explaining to Merlin the connection between destiny and chicken while he’d been staring at his collarbones, horribly visible through his shirt and terribly distracting.  
“Destiny. And chicken?”, Merlin asked incredulously and laughed.  
Arthur’s head snapped up. “What? Er. Yes.” He gave a shaky laugh, grateful that Merlin was perfectly oblivious of the fantasies starring Merlin which were going through Arthur’s mind.  
It surprised him a little. He’d always considered himself somewhat asexual. He’d honestly never been interested in anyone romantically and especially not sexually. But now, next to Merlin, it took all his willpower not to be pinning him to the couch and kissing him everywhere.  
If he wanted to avoid Merlin finding out then Arthur needed distraction from these thoughts, so he made his way to the footie table and stared at Merlin pointedly.

* * *

Arthur ignored Morgana’s malicious grin as she handed him the invite. He opened the envelope cautiously and slid the card out.  
“You are kidding me”, he groaned in disbelief.  
“I told you.”  
“A ball? Really? Me?”  
“It’s a charity event, Arthur. You ought to go.”  
“They should take the money they’re gonna spend on the ball and use that for charity!”  
Morgana rolled her eyes at him. “It’s charity. You’re going”, she said in a firm tone.  
“But-“  
“If it helps, Merlin is also invited.”

* * *

When Morgana left after discussing the remaining business matters Arthur knocked on Merlin’s door.  
It opened and Merlin stepped out. Arthur went straight to it. “We’ve been invited to a ball.”  
Merlin’s expression went through several stages of emotions. Shock, interest, more shock, delight to outright discomfort. It was quite amusing to watch and Arthur fancied he knew what was going through Merlin’s head, so he was not surprised when Merlin quietly asked “Can I please not go?”  
“Don’t worry, Merlin, no-one will force you to dance. You can just spend the evening at the buffet to get some meat on your ribs if that’s what you prefer.”  
Merlin still didn’t look completely convinced, but sighed in relief and replied “Good, ‘cause I can’t dance.”  
“What?”, Arthur blurted out. “But what if someone asks you and you really want to?”  
Merlin looked at him curiously. “Then I will die of a broken heart.”  
There was something in Merlin’s voice that, despite the smile on his face, made him sound freakishly serious.  
Unsettled, Arthur declared “That is unacceptable” and proceeded to his music, switched the loudspeakers on and put the Blue Danube Waltz on.  
“I will teach you”, he more ordered than offered, desperate to make this moment not more of a scene in a romcom teen movie thing than it already was.  
Merlin looked surprised, if not bewildered. “What?”  
“I won’t have you die of a broken heart”, Arthur said with conviction. “Come on!”  
Merlin gave in. He stepped on Arthur’s feet a couple of times and Arthur complained about Merlin’s incompetence, but enjoyed having Merlin so close, secretly wishing the waltz was a little more of an intimate dance, but as an instructor it was best his blood remained in his head.  
At one point he thought he heard Merlin say something like “Now I’m really going to die of a broken heart”, but the music was at that point too loud for him to be sure Merlin had spoken at all, hating the hope that burnt in his chest.  
But Arthur had to try, unable to contain his desire any longer. He leaned in slightly, when Merlin suddenly said “You shouldn’t”.  
Arthur stopped, his heart dropping in free-fall. “What?”, he stammered.  
“I’m never going to learn this”, Merlin said, stepping away from Arthur. “You shouldn’t feel obliged to teach me, I’ll just stand by, eat from the buffet, whatever.”  
At which Merlin busied himself with the sound system, not seeing Arthur’s face fall.  
Arthur was quiet for the rest of the evening, barely listening to Merlin’s chatter. Everytime he remembered how good it felt to hold Merlin, to touch him, a part of him died.  
The feeling of rejection was unbearable. He was hardly capable of looking Merlin in the eye the next day. At the end of it he had an idea. He switched his computer on and searched the internet in the hope that the fangirls certain of him being in a relationship with Merlin could in some way offer some remedy to his current low.  
Going through a few blogs he felt a little better looking at pictures of him and Merlin at events, from that photoshoot, with comments that were sometimes sweet and sometimes so suggestive that Arthur would have blushed if he weren’t so down.  
On one of the blogs he came across a video, next to which stood the mere comment “This is the strangest thing I’ve ever done”. Frowning, Arthur clicked on the video. It was a compilation of pictures of Merlin and Arthur to a song Arthur did not recognise. A sweet song, and when the video was over he felt better.  
Merlin poked his head out the kitchen. “I know that song! It’s one of my favourites!”  
Startled, Arthur closed his laptop quickly without shutting it down. Hoping Merlin couldn’t see his cheeks colouring he agreed to it being a good song and Merlin disappeared back into the kitchen.  
This was a sign. A sign not to lose hope, Arthur convinced himself and joined Merlin to help with dinner, new hope flaring in his chest like fire.


	8. Chapter 8

"We ought to go shopping again. You need some proper suits, not those cheap ones you buy yourself. And I need some too."  
"Again?", Merlin asked in protest.  
"I told you, it's for your sake too! Now get ready, I've already called a taxi."  
"Dollophead." Merlin seemed to be glaring if it weren't for his dimples.

* * *

"Okay, Merlin."  
Arthur had changed into a bright red shirt.  
"Now that's just distasteful”, Merlin muttered, frowning.  
"It's my favourite colour!"  
"And it doesn't suit you in such a bright shade and vast amount!"  
Arthur secretly hoped that Merlin was implying how the shirt covered so much muscle that it was naturally a large shirt. Wishful thinking.  
"Try the blue one.” - Merlin suggested, handing Arthur a royal blue shirt and urging him back to the dressing room.  
When Arthur re-emerged even he had to admit that he looked splendid.  
"You really should buy this one. It brings out the colour of your eyes."  
"What?", Arthur exclaimed, roused, deeply hoping that wasn't a blush spreading across his cheeks and heating his face.  
"Your eyes. They're a very nice shade of blue." He spoke quietly, a small encouraging smile on his lips.  
Merlin knew the colour of Arthur's eyes. He'd just complimented them.  
Feeling rather giddy and embarrassed for being happy over such a thing he stalked back to the changing room, carefully not looking at Merlin.  
"Wait, it's not falling right," - Merlin said the moment Arthur turned around. He stopped.  
"Let me just-" - Merlin continued, his footsteps indicating an approach towards him.  
Before Arthur could argue how pointless it would be to straighten a shirt he was about to take off Merlin had got hold of him. His fingers slid across Arthur's back, very briefly touching naked skin above his waist before covering that unclothed patch with the shirt. Unable to suppress a shiver, Arthur quickly stepped away from Merlin to put a safe distance between himself and those elegant, soft and frustrating fingers.  
"There you go", Merlin was saying calmly, as if he had not noticed Arthur stepping away, but Arthur didn't look at him to ascertain that.  
While putting his own shirt back on, Arthur was painfully aware of the prickling where Merlin's fingers had made contact with Arthur's skin. He tried to take as long as possible to dull the excitement induced by those simple and very casual touches.  
Despite his efforts the want in him had not dissipated. The desire in him, much closer to the surface than ever before, flared every time his attention was directed to Merlin’s hands, which was often since Merlin gesticulated a lot. Watching Merlin change into all those well-fitted suits, the pleasure of seeing Merlin look so dashing conflicted with the torture of not being able to tear the clothes off that body and explore said body with his mouth.  
Merlin seemed absolutely oblivious to it all, from the reaction his very presence woke in Arthur to Arthur suppressing with little success all the lust and love he was feeling for that awkward raven-haired man that was his assistant. Arthur had managed to “accidentally on purpose” charm many people in the past, but Merlin seemed to be able to resist to Arthur’s talents. He was quite possibly even unaware of how charming Arthur was. Merlin didn’t know.  
A sharp pang in his heart reminded Arthur why he decided not to act upon his feelings for Merlin.  
Because while Merlin’s oblivion hurt, rejection hurt so much more.  
They ate dinner at the back of a small restaurant outside the mall, hoping it would give them safety from eyes spying on the famous Arthur Pendragon. While Arthur could usually eat loads - two plates full - he barely got down a single meal today.  
Across the table Merlin’s eating had slowed down until he was just prodding his food with his fork, shooting quick glances at Arthur every now and then, until he asked “Are you okay?” and held eye contact long enough for Arthur to feel uncomfortable, though he felt a little bit happy that Merlin noticed something was wrong, that Merlin cared.  
Focusing on a spot behind Merlin, Arthur improvised: “Just wondering what I’ll audition for”, hoping Merlin could not detect a lie.

* * *

By the time they got a taxi home, Merlin had already thrown at Arthur many different suggestions for roles. As they were riding, Merlin didn’t stop talking for a second.  
“You could audition for the third season, you’d make a perfect Mary. Or then rather, a perfect…Mark.” Arthur interrupted his stare at the gloomy clouds overhead to put an end to Merlin’s increasingly ridiculous suggestions.  
“Merlin, John is straight-“  
“Yeah right”, Merlin interrupted, rolling his eyes.  
“-and I can’t audition for a role in a script which doesn’t exist yet. Morgana will take care of where I can go audition, I will choose which of the auditions I will go to. Your wild theories aren’t really helping.”  
Merlin stopped looking out of the car’s window and glowered at Arthur, who had started rapping his hand against the hard plastic of the car door.  
“They aren’t as far-fetched as you believe, not just me but everyone thinks-“  
“And who is ‘everyone’? Your friends from the internet?”  
“Yeah, so what?” Merlin asked defiantly, raising his chin slightly.  
Arthur shook his head: “You not only think like a child, you act like one too.”  
Merlin looked out the window again, saying something that sounded suspiciously like “And yet I’m still more intelligent than you.”, which made Arthur grin.  
“Your acting,” - Arthur said suddenly. “Will you ever, you know…act again?”  
Looking slightly muddled, Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it again, and quietly affirmed:  
“I’d love to act again, properly - you know, as a profession - one day.”  
“Why won’t you audition for something?” - Arthur asked hesitantly, shifting in his seat. He was curious but scared of Merlin leaving his current job in favour of acting again. So he couldn’t suppress a wide grin when Merlin answered with a bemused:  
“I’m in no rush”.  
Arthur’s heart thumped loudly in his chest as Merlin’s devastatingly beautiful eyes fixed on Arthur, a teasing smile on his lips. The moment was soon broken when they fell back into their usual banter.

* * *

Merlin was quite odd. Once he went into the trees to as he said ‘pee’, walking as if there were something making his gait more clumsy and awkward than usual, but only came out after ten minutes but was then able to walk as usual , often tripped over nothing, put obscene amounts of Cheerios and golden syrup on his porridge and more. Once Arthur woke up one morning to Merlin crouched inches from him by the side of the bed. Being in a morning daze wasn’t the major reason for him not being absolutely surprised. Merlin was odd after all.  
“Merlin”, Arthur said in a sleepy half-mumble, “What are you doing?”  
Merlin froze, staring at Arthur before moving his hand across the surface of Arthur’s night table.  
“Dusting.”  
Arthur stared at Merlin’s bare hand. ”You forgot your dusting cloth.”  
“Ah...um”, Merlin stuttered and Arthur was too freshly awoken to make heads or tails of his odd behaviour and wondered out loud “Why are you doing chores before breakfast? Before showering, even?” as he took in Merlin’s pyjamas. Not his usual cleaning attire.  
“Quite right. I should...just...” Merlin looked at Arthur once more before fleeing. Soon he could hear water pouring in the bathroom. Apparently Merlin had gone straight for the shower. Merlin had been showering a lot lately, even when he’d already showered once that day and especially after Arthur’s workouts...which was strange because it was Arthur working out and sweating (while Merlin merely watched), not Merlin.  
Arthur stretched and looked down himself and realised with a start that he’d slept naked. And his duvet was barely concealing his morning glory, which was probably induced by that dream he had of Merlin. He replayed scenes from the dream in his head, imagined Merlin coming into his bedroom and seeing the erection. The Merlin in Arthur’s fantasy moved forward and slipped his hand around it.  
At this point Arthur was pumping himself, letting go, his mind running freely. He stroked slowly, teasing, his thumb running over the head. Moaning deeply he ran his other hand over his chest, brushing his nipples, wishing it were Merlin, Merlin’s hands everywhere.  
With one hand he would stroke Arthur, the other roaming over the rest of his body, moving across Arthur’s lips before pushing a finger in, urging Arthur to suck on them. Those fingers. Long and maddening. He would take possession of them, of Merlin, sucking, needing...  
He came all over his stomach, panting. Unfortunately he smeared the sheets as he rolled over.  
He realised later that day that he had to clean them himself and quickly before Merlin noticed. There was a dry cleaning&laundry service round the corner, maybe he could discreetly go there. He blushed at the thought of having to bring sheets that revealed so much to a stranger. They were like evidence. Evidence of something Arthur did not want to show. It was clear that he would keep to the showers from then on.  
He’d never really wanked this much before. Only every now and then just as a sort of obligation to his body. Before Merlin he hadn’t had to use masturbation as a form of releasing want. But then Merlin had changed a lot of things.

* * *

He picked the toy up. It was long and rough, but Arthur liked the feel of it.  
“Merlin, remind me why I now possess toy swords?”  
Merlin’s frown was lost on Arthur, he brought his attention back to the sword replica in his hand. It was quite light, but in looks it seemed like a real sword.  
“They’re a gift from…someone or another”, Merlin unhelpfully supplied.  
“Good to know you have a good memory. Ever so helpful”, Arthur muttered sarcastically, playing with the sword.  
“Says he who asked in the first place”, Merlin retorted, reaching for a sword with his long, graceful fingers.  
Arthur poked him with the toy. Merlin was quick to use his own sword, knocking it against Arthur’s in defense.  
One could practically hear the Star Wars soundtrack in their heads as they fought an epic battle with the props.  
“You’re pants at sword-fighting!”- Arthur declared, spinning his own sword skillfully, when out of nowhere Merlin managed to jab Arthur in the stomach. He groaned dramatically and fell to his knees.  
“I always knew you’d turn on me”, he grumbled dramatically while Merlin dropped the sword and rushed forward.  
“Oh my - I’m sorry! Are you alright?”  
Arthur didn’t answer immediately to take in Merlin’s look of concern. “Let me check if there an injury, okay?” Merlin reacted to Arthur’s answering nod by lifting his shirt. Hopefully Merlin would think the gasp that escaped Arthur’s mouth was because of the pain.  
“S’okay. Barely a scratch”, Arthur complained, sighing in arousal as Merlin’s fingers grazed the spot where the sword had struck him. While it didn’t actually hurt it was already a shade of purple. When Merlin let go of Arthur’s shirt he felt a little disappointed by the loss of touch before being manhandled onto the sofa by Merlin, who started fussing.  
“How are you feeling?”  
“On the verge of death! Terrible! What would you mother say if she knew how you abuse me?” Arthur had just been teasing, but judging by the way Merlin’s face fell he might as well have kicked a puppy.  
The sudden silence was unsettling.  
“What’s wrong?”- Arthur asked finally, too worried to say anything else.  
Merlin drew in a shaky breath and left Arthur feeling restless in his desire to cheer Merlin up. But first he had to know what was wrong.  
“Merlin?”- he asked tentatively.  
“My Mum died in a car crash during my last year at school.”  
Pretty sure his mouth fell open, Arthur seemed unable to process the words properly. Though it wasn’t just the words that were the problem. It was that Arthur was hearing them for the first time. He had not known or asked about any of this before.  
Guilt settled in his stomach, weighing him down. But this wasn’t about him. It was about Merlin.  
“What happened?…Do you want to talk about it?”  
Contemplating, Merlin took a moment.  
“My Mum had had an urgent phone call from my school and had rushed off in her car and --”, Merlin broke off the rush of words.  
Arthur laid a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, who took his time, until his breathing gradually calmed down, and continued:  
“She was in a hurry and was too worried to notice, too concerned to realise…And if she did - it was too late. The ghost driver crashed into her.”  
Merlin’s sharp intake of breath made Arthur rub the younger man’s shoulder gently in comfort.  
“But why was she worried? Was it about you? Why had the school called her?” - Arthur asked.  
Their eyes met for a short moment before Merlin looked to the floor.  
“I’d been beaten up.”  
Anger washed through Arthur. Merlin had been bullied. He could not comprehend how anyone could do such a thing, especially to someone like Merlin. Why would someone...  
The question slipped out of his mouth.  
“Why?” - His disbelief seeped into the query.  
If Merlin had taken a long time to answer before, it was ages now. After what felt like hours, with Arthur becoming increasingly agitated, Merlin opened his mouth to speak again.  
“My bullies had their reasons. I’d --“  
Merlin paused, awkwardly rubbing his hands together.  
“-- I’d only come out a few weeks prior.”  
Come out? Out of the closet? Merlin was gay?  
“But-“, not allowing the new information to please him too much in this situation, “-you’re not an orphan. Did you try contacting your father since…”  
Merlin shook his head. Then, after a moment, he added:  
“Besides, I have Gaius. And Will. I do have family.”  
“Your family in Ealdor.”  
“Yes.”  
Arthur let it all sink in. It was clear to him now why Merlin had cried after the interviewer asked whether he was gay. It was probably even one of those bullies that had fed the information to the paparazzi.  
Guilt and sadness were clinging to Arthur. When their eyes met again Arthur held the eye contact and gave his condolences in barely a whisper.  
Merlin. Merlin. Merlin. Arthur’s head, heart, his whole body was overwhelmed by the rush of feelings that man gave him.  
It had to be soon. Merlin had to know soon.  
After exchanging slight smiles with Merlin Arthur retreated to his bedroom, his battle wound forgotten.

* * *

Arthur was uncertain what made it happen.  
Thinking too much about how to confess to Merlin or one of the many handshakes Arthur had to endure during events.  
Either way he ended up with a fever and a runny nose. It was absolutely rubbish, it looked like he was not going to be able to go to that ball with Merlin and would miss some days of shooting.  
He was in a foul mood, but at least Merlin stayed in the flat with Arthur while he had to recover. Merlin had even set up a makeshift bed next to Arthur’s to take care of him.  
“I’ll be right here if you need anything, like a proper servant”, Merlin teased with too much concern in his voice for either of them to smile at the joke.  
It was weird that Merlin was so worried, Arthur had the flu, that was all. Not exactly uncommon. But Merlin’s behaviour warmed Arthur’s chest (or was the fever doing that?). It gave him hope that Merlin’s feelings may be as strong as his.  
They sat beside each other, Arthur on his bed, Merlin on the makeshift bed on the floor, watching movies. Merlin flinched every time Arthur coughed.  
When Arthur changed out of his sweat-covered clothes into fresh ones, Merlin didn’t leave the room, but his eyes were fixed on the tv. Well, Arthur thought, he wasn’t in a state to try and seduce Merlin at the moment anyway, so he wouldn’t let it get him down.  
Occasionally Merlin wiped Arthur’s forehead with a cloth. Breathing through his mouth, Arthur stared at his beloved above him. Beloved? Arthur’s fever was apparently damaging his brain. How sappy.  
But still, Arthur couldn’t help gazing at him, at his parted lips, the concentrated expression on his face.  
The possibility of Merlin feeling the same way about Arthur made his heart race, but he was still so scared.  
After a while (he blamed it on the fever) Arthur’s looks of longing could not be remotely discreet, but he didn’t care. He was too ill to care. Too close to Merlin to care.  
They spent two days in that fashion. Arthur’s fever was sinking.  
When they weren’t talking (it was a rather one-sided conversation of Merlin rambling, but Arthur didn’t mind at all) or watching movies, Arthur slept. He slept a lot.  
A part of Arthur was very worried that his fever dreams would have him sleeptalking, which, considering the object of many of his dreams was very close by, was a little unsettling.  
He enjoyed the sleep. It made him feel disorientated, but gradually healthier.  
On the third day - he wasn’t sure what time of day it was - he woke after what may have been a nightmare, shaking from fever or fear, to feel a hand moving across his chest and one cupping his face.  
Instinctively Arthur quickly grabbed both hands in defense, when he recognised whose they were.  
“Merlin!”, he exclaimed, surprised, but then again, who else should it have been?  
“Sorry, I- I was just seeing that you are well, I did not mean to wake-” but Arthur wasn’t listening. All he knew was that he needed Merlin close, needed Merlin’s touch and he let go of Merlin’s wrists to throw his arms around his neck and violently tug him into a hug to his chest.  
Merlin’s body was stiff in an awkward, bent-over position, as if he were trying to wriggle free. Nonsense. Arthur would not have any of that.  
“Stay”, he murmured.  
Arthur felt Merlin relax. He moved his hand through Merlin’s hair, stroking the back of his head before kissing the top of it and falling asleep, pleased.  
When he woke Merlin was gone.  
“Merlin!”, he shouted in a panic before he could stop himself.  
“I’m here, Arthur”, Merlin said as he came out of the kitchen.  
Arthur blushed, a little ashamed of how his body betrayed him yesterday and when he woke moments ago. But now that his feelings had been so in the open he could not contain his curiosity as to what Merlin felt about it.  
“Yesterday-“  
“It’s all right, Arthur, you were fever-stricken. I understand. We won’t speak of it again”, Merlin interrupted in the calmest voice.  
As the meaning of those words settled in rejection pierced Arthur’s heart, choking his throat. Merlin did not want to speak of it, did not want it to have happened, didn’t want Arthur.  
“I made you breakfast, it’s porridge, you-“  
“Leave”, Arthur said without thinking, unable to stand Merlin’s presence anymore. It hurt too much. Everything hurt. Breathing hurt.  
Merlin didn’t move, merely blinked at him.  
“Didn’t you hear me? Leave!”, Arthur shouted, exasperated, getting out of bed. He was overcome with emotions, but the only one in his voice was anger.  
At that Merlin turned and ran from the flat.  
The door closed and Arthur put his head in his hands, overwhelmed by all the pain.  
What a mess.  
Slowly he walked towards the kitchen. When he saw the porridge he started sobbing.

* * *

Despite his inner turmoil his body was in good enough health again to go back to work. He thought work would distract him, but there was no such mercy. And Merlin not being there made it so much worse.  
That morning Merlin had come out of his room to tell Arthur that a train would be leaving in the evening for him to visit his family in Ealdor.  
Arthur did not object, not even when it was on such short notice, mainly because the only reply he was capable of giving was a brisk nod.  
A week. Merlin would be gone for a week. A week with this thing between them. Another week until he saw Merlin again. His Merlin. But it would not be his Merlin.  
It was clear that he had to apologise. He glanced at his watch. He might make it in time before Merlin got on the train. Grabbing his coat he ran out onto the street and hailed a taxi.  
The train was in when he arrived. He glanced around, hastily searching for the familiar lanky body with the raven hair and extraordinary cheekbones.  
But he was nowhere to be seen on the platform and the train started rolling.  
“No! No!!”, he spun around, searching, when he saw him sitting in the train.  
But the train was picking up speed. Arthur used the fruits of his workout and ran, hitting his palm against Merlin’s window to get his attention, running alongside it.  
Merlin’s head snapped up and he stared in shock at Arthur. Arthur tried saying something, but he had to come to an abrupt stop when the platform ended.  
He kept eye-contact with Merlin, breathing heavily from the sprint, hoping Merlin could see, understand why Arthur was there. But Merlin’s expression was still mere shock, staring at Arthur with wide eyes.

* * *

It was moment’s like these that made Arthur hate Merlin’s clumsiness. After trying to call Merlin’s mobile several times he found it in Merlin’s bedroom. Typical. He didn’t know the number of Merlin’s family in Ealdor or Merlin’s mobile’s password to check the contacts. Arthur groaned in frustration.

* * *

Going to the ball without Merlin was a very lonely business, especially since he had to turn down all the ladies wishing to dance with him and everyone he knew was busy having fun. His mood was terrible and most attendants stayed away from him. Except for one.  
Arthur’s blood ran cold when Uther appeared, greeting him.  
“Arthur”, his father said in his usual stiff and cold tone.  
“Father”, Arthur said in a tone matching his father’s.  
“I see you are alone today. Is Mr. Emrys still in your services?” Uther’s question made Arthur suspicious. Why did his father want to know about his assistant? Was he trying to smalltalk? Why?  
“He is. He is merely off work for a week, visiting his family.”  
And to Arthur’s utter surprise, his father looked relieved, he even seemed to be smiling.  
“He is good for you. Make sure not to lose him.”  
With an encouraging smile his father left, leaving Arthur absolutely dumbstruck.

* * *

When Merlin returned Arthur had already formed a plan. He set out to woo, to court his assistant.  
It was going to be difficult. Merlin was a difficult person after all. Arthur felt like it had to be a grand gesture to impress Merlin, but he knew Merlin wouldn’t like anything public. It had to be a grand but private gesture.  
So Arthur stood in a normal (though carefully chosen) outfit on the platform and waited.  
He soon saw Merlin move through the crowds to approach him. Merlin did not speak, did not greet, merely stared at Arthur in expectation.  
The air was heavy with all that was unsaid. But Arthur was going to change that.  
“Did you have a nice visit?”, Arthur asked politely, breaking the silence.  
“It was nice seeing my family again, yes”, Merlin answered in equal politeness and with a distant tone that made Arthur hesitate.  
He regained his courage - “eyes on the goal”, he chanted in his mind - and asked “Are you hungry?”, to which, after looking taken aback, was met by Merlin’s stomache growling. Both men chuckled.  
“Good”, Arthur said, feeling the grin on his face. The joy of having Merlin back mixed with the anticipation he felt probably made his grin look crazed.  
Arthur grabbed Merlin’s luggage and set off towards the exit and once out, Arthur pointed for Merlin to get into a taxi.  
Careful not to let anything slip Arthur did not encourage conversation, so they sat in silence until they arrived home. Instead of taking the lift to the flat Arthur maneuvered Merlin to the backyard. He had previously set up a picnic spot with a blanket and a basket full of goods.  
Merlin stood, staring open-mouthed. This seemed to be a good reaction.  
“Arthur…what is this?”  
“A picnic!”, Arthur declared in a matter-of-fact tone, sitting on the blanket next to where he left Merlin’s luggage.. He patted the space beside him for Merlin to join him. Merlin sat slowly, looking around.  
“But why?”  
“I wanted to apologise for what happened before you left. And I wanted to do something nice.”  
“You made all of this yourself?”, Merlin asked, sounding surprised and impressed, but not happy. Why not happy?  
Nodding, Arthur waited, hopeful for a positive response. Merlin was staring at the picnic, now fully laid out in front of them.  
“I don’t know what to say. This is…this is brilliant!” A smile so wide appeared on Merlin’s face that Arthur’s stomache somersaulted before an equally wide smile appeared on his own face.  
“Am I forgiven?”, he teased.  
“Maybe. Depends on how good the food is.”  
They had their banter back. Relief washed through Arthur and he laughed out loud, throwing his head back and Merlin joined in with a hearty chuckle.


	9. Chapter 9

After bringing everything back upstairs they sat down on the couch, full and exhausted. Arthur had barely slept the last week, so he let his eyes close, content. When he opened them again, drowsy, he was not sitting, he was lying, his head resting on something warm and not very comfortable. He looked up and saw Merlin’s face, looking apologetic but smiling. Oh. He was lying in Merlin’s lap. Right.   
He straightened himself slowly, getting off the couch. “Sorry about that”, he mumbled, smiling slightly but not quite looking into Merlin’s eyes. “Don’t worry about it. You must have needed the sleep”, Merlin said, smiling in a way that made Arthur want to rush over and kiss him.  
“Yeah”, Arthur answered, admiring his own self-control by staying rooted on the spot.  
Then he remembered. He jumped over the couch and practically ran into his bedroom, grabbed the present and stood before Merlin.  
“I got you this”, he declared, the pride seeping into his voice. It was a great buy.  
Merlin stared at it, then up at Arthur in disbelief. “You got me a laptop!?”  
“Well yours is pretty bust, won’t let you do much and all. With this you can actually sync your mp3-player again!”, Arthur grinned at Merlin, whose gape was still stuck on his face.  
He slowly took it from Arthur, his fingers moving over the dragon design on the cover. “Pendragon… dragon.” Merlin chuckled. Finally. “I don’t… I can’t-“  
“Wait, before you say anything - Check your emails!”  
Arthur sat down next to Merlin while they waited for it to start up. Excited, Arthur stared at Merlin’s face, who was typing his password in to access his emails. He opened the new one and read it. When he was finished he looked at Arthur. He looked suspicious.  
“You got me a role for a TV show.” And instead of smiling he actually looked unhappy. “Are you sacking me? Is that why you’re being nice? So that you won’t have to feel guilty?” Merlin looked unsettled and hurt.   
Confused, Arthur enquired “What are you talking about? I’m not-” He stopped short. “What do you mean, guilty?” Was Merlin blushing? He looked to the ground hiding his face, but his ears where red. He was blushing!   
“Guilty for hurting me”, Merlin explained in a small voice.  
Arthur stared. Merlin was blushing. Merlin admitted not wanting to leave Arthur. A wave of love for Merlin smacked Arthur. He had to tell him.   
“Your logic is terrible,” Arthur chuckled and Merlin’s head raised in response. “I’m not sacking you - In fact I have a role for the same show, that’s how I got you yours in the first place, though they do want to see you in action once. I gave them my word that you would be brilliant. You’ll get the job and we’ll work together on set. I won’t let you leave that easily.”   
Merlin was now staring at Arthur and Arthur stared back in earnest when the front door burst open. They both jumped and glared at Morgana. Arthur must have been giving her a death glare, but she ignored him.   
“Welcome back, Merlin! I hope you had a pleasant trip. There is a welcome back party at my place right now. The car is waiting. Come on!”

* * *

The party was not actually welcome back party, though everyone they knew was delighted to see Merlin.  
Merlin was constantly surrounded and didn’t notice when Morgana dragged Arthur away from him. “You haven’t told him yet, have you? Why not?” She punched his arm before he could even answer.  
“I will, okay? Give me more time. I want to do this properly.”   
“That’s nice. In the meantime Gwaine looks like he’d like to do Merlin properly”, Morgana said dryly.  
“What?” Arthur spun around to see Merlin and Gwaine chatting. Merlin looked very gleeful. In a blink Arthur was at his side and gave Gwaine a barely disguised back-off glare.  
“Arthur! Good to see you! Can I just have a private chat with you?”, Gwaine asked companionably, leaving Arthur a bit too astonished to reply, before he steeled himself. “Sure.”  
Merlin joined Gwen after gazing between Arthur and Gwaine with a worried expression, but they both had smiled at him encouragingly.  
Arthur turned his back to Merlin and waited for Gwaine to speak.  
“Mate, you and Merlin aren’t dating, right?”, Gwaine asked seriously.   
Arthur spluttered. “No!”  
“Well if that’s the case I’m sure you won’t mind backing off when the man has a bit of a flirt.”  
It wasn’t even a question. That cocky cock! Arthur’s nostrils flaired.   
“I do mind”, he spat through his teeth, his voice sounding very threatening, even to himself, but Gwaine just laughed. “That’s just what I wanted to hear. You’re not a tosser after all.”  
Arthur’s surprise must have been quite comical, because Gwaine laughed some more. “You should see your face.” Arthur huffed in annoyance.  
“Is there a point to all this?”, he wondered aloud, irritated.   
“Yes”, Gwaine said, serious again. “I’ve seen how much he needs you. How much you need him.” Gwaine nodded torwards where Merlin was standing. “Go for it. Trust me.”   
Arthur surpressed a smile. “That’s the plan.”   
“Oh? I see my honourable, selfless, amazing advice is not needed, eh? Good for you!”  
And with a rough clap on Arthur’s back, Gwaine went to flirt with Morgana who was rolling her eyes before he’d even reached her.  
Arthur looked to Merlin upon hearing the familiar peals of laughter. Everyone loved him. He attracted people easily, knowing what to say to people, joking easily. But no one loved him as much as Arthur. He needed Merlin, wanted him close, trusted him. He’d never really felt this way about anyone and never would feel this for anyone else. Loving anyone but Merlin was unthinkable, impossible. Arthur knew that all those in love could not imagine not being in love, but this was different.   
No-one could be like Merlin. There was only the one person, only him that could make him be romantic and aroused and silly. Merlin was absolutely unique.  
Which was why Arthur needed the courting to work. He couldn’t bear to lose Merlin.

* * *

Merlin always went grocery shopping alone. Arthur had never before felt like ending up in the tabloids for going to the supermarket with his assistant.  
But when Merlin knelt by the door, tying his shoelaces (Why did he even have shoes with shoelaces? He just kept tripping over them) after declaring that he was off to the supermarket, Arthur replied “I’ll come with you.”  
“What?”, Merlin asked after staring at Arthur as if believing that his quaint ears were deceiving him.  
It was all Arthur could do not to growl.  
“I said-“  
“I heard what you said. You never come with me to the shops.” Merlin cocked his head in wonder.  
Arthur sighed. “Problem?”  
Merlin paused and a brilliant grin spread over his face. “Nope.”  
So Arthur put his coat and shoes on, about to leave, but Merlin stopped him. “Arthur, your sunglasses.” He’d purposely left them behind, knowing how Merlin hated it when he wore them.  
“I’m not taking them”, Arthur said, smiling at Merlin, whose response was a smile so blinding that Arthur probably could have lost his eyesight. And it would have been worth it.   
On the way to the supermarket Arthur plucked up the courage to proceed with his plan.  
“I changed my mind about love”, he began in a light, conversational tone, “You were right.”  
Merlin was silent for a moment, his face betraying nothing as he asked. “Who is the lucky lady fortunate enough to win your affections?”  
“Win my-? Merlin, you sound like a novel by Jane Austen.”   
“How would you know?”, Merlin retorted, laughing.  
Arthur joined in, chuckling. “What I do know is that there’s three ways that love can grow. That’s good, bad or mediocre.”  
“I didn’t know you liked Rocky Horror”, Merlin said, grinning at Arthur.  
Arthur continued, feeling confident. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. For example I quite like the theatre. Would you like to go?”   
His heart thumped loudly in his chest, ready to beat right out and skip down the street. Arthur nervously adjusted his hair while speaking and when he finished he looked at Merlin with a hopeful smile trying to spread over his lips.  
He pushed it back, waiting for Merlin’s answer, which, as soon as he’d asked him out, appeared in the form of his face lighting up in joy. Arthur felt a little smug over how often he’d gotten Merlin to smile at him today.  
“I’d love to. I haven’t been to the theatre in ages.” Merlin looked so excited that Arthur felt very pleased with himself. He did have good ideas (occasionally).

* * *

On the way back from the supermarket it started raining. Heavily.  
“This must be what a monsoon feels like”, Merlin shouted through the rain as they ran back to the flat. The food arrived unharmed, but the two men were utterly drenched.   
“Fantastic”, Arthur complained as they sloshed into the flat. He immediately started shedding his clothes once they were inside. Merlin didn’t move.  
“Quick, Merlin, before you get a cold”, Arthur ordered, indicating for Merlin to copy him.  
Arthur stared at Merlin for a moment, how his clothes clung to his body, leaving little to the imagination. He swallowed, hoping to swallow the want that was arising, but no such luck.  
Merlin had started stripping and only once they both stood in nothing but their pants Arthur remembered to get dry clothes - and that only thanks to Merlin’s eyes wandering across his body, in danger of noticing the bulge that had appeared during Merlin’s strip.  
While he got harder thinking Merlin would like the sight he was not prepared for any sort of reaction from Merlin, so he played it safe like the virgin that he was and went to get some dry clothes.  
“I’m gonna have a shower”, he shouted to Merlin, because the erection would not will away while Merlin stood there half-naked and wet. Fortunately he came after only a few strokes so he could let Merlin in afterwards. They didn’t want to catch colds after all.

* * *

Arthur had chosen a comedy at a small theatre, hoping that avoiding popular theatres gave them better chances at not being found by paparazzi.  
They didn’t wear suits, it wasn’t a big event after all. But Merlin looked amazing. He wore those tight trousers that drove Arthur crazy, a long shirt that covered his private parts far too well (but - thank the gods - not his marvelous arse) and no scarf for once, which left his collar bones and adam’s apple pleasingly visible. And of course those cheekbones and the mop of dark, tussled hair atop his head. Arthur made a noise at the back of his throat and tried to think of decidedly unsexy things, like, say... a walrus in a tutu.  
They had something to eat first, their conversation consisting of banter along the lines of “Careful with the spaghetti, you’ll get sauce all over your nice outfit” from Arthur, who blushed furiously when Merlin answered “So you think I look good in this outfit?” and if Arthur admitted that he did think Merlin looked good he added that anyone looked better without food on themselves.   
Arthur was apparently brilliant at putting his foot in his mouth, but he did not have long to reproach himself before the thought of food on Merlin transformed to an image of him licking melted chocolate off Merlin’s crotch. Arthur was glad the table hid his body waist downward and had the whole dinner to try and think of things to soften his arousal. Merlin was not offended nor did he notice Arthur suddenly acting flustered, looking intently at his food, chewing with conviction.  
If he weren’t the sane man he believed himself to be Arthur would have seen no wrong in trying some of Merlin’s spaghetti and attempting a “Lady and the tramp” (not so) accidental kiss scenario. But he was reasonable enough to push that idea aside, even when “Bella Notte” started playing over the restaurant’s speakers.  
Arthur felt he had done well in surviving the food part of their date (Arthur firmly believed it was one, even if Merlin was not aware of it), but sitting for two hours in darkness right next to Merlin?  
But somehow Arthur survived that too, enjoying himself with Merlin, laughing with him. Arthur’s arm lay right by Merlin’s on the armrest between their seats. The proximity was like electricity, bolts shooting through him, giving him goosebumps.  
They left the theatre still chuckling. Waiting on the kerb for the taxi to take them home, Merlin looked at Arthur “You take me out to dinner and theatre and manage to be fairly pleasant all night. What is this, a date?”   
For a moment, Arthur is too astounded to function.  
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. How did Merlin know? Until Arthur realised Merlin had been joking, Arthur felt his cheeks heat up, no doubt a bright shade of red.  
“What?”, Merlin asked since Arthur hadn’t replied and Arthur let it all fall into place, saw the dawning of understanding on Merlin’s face.  
“It is a date? Really?” And Merlin’s voice! It was tainted with doubt, as if this could not be happening, not to him, but his voice and his face were also full of joy.  
The butterflies fluttered wildly in Arthur’s stomach as he nodded in answer.  
Arthur was beginning to feel hopeful when Merlin looked away all of a sudden. He looked unsettled, tense. Feeling his heart starting to break he waited for Merlin to speak. But he didn’t. The taxi arrived. He never so much as looked at Arthur all the way home, his eyes always fixed elsewhere, concentrating.   
The sadness engulfing Arthur was overwhelming. He felt miserable. They arrived back at the flat. Slowly he opened the front door, letting them in. At this point he was planning on retreating into his bedroom, maybe with a large bar of chocolate. He trotted towards his room when he was forcibly turned around and felt Merlin’s mouth knock into his. For a moment, he was too surprised to move, thrilled by the feel of Merlin’s lips, but soon he was returning the kiss just as eagerly. Those lips he’d so longed for.  
“Why on earth”, Arthur huffed as he leaned back for breath, “did you wait so long to do that?”  
“I didn’t know you liked me!”, Merlin protested.  
“No, not that bit, we’ll talk about that bit later. After I admitted to it being a date. Why did you wait?”  
Merlin raised an eyebrow. “I thought that were obvious. To ensure we wouldn’t get caught on camera!”   
Oh. “Good thinking.” He traced Merlin’s lower lip with his fingers, marvelling at their fullness, redness, as they fell open slightly. Once he managed to tear his eyes off Merlin’s lips he stared into them. Into the blueness that had fascinated him many times before. Arthur leaned in, kissing Merlin’s ear, his eyebrow, his eyelid, kissing along his jawline until Merlin whimpered and he kissed those wonderful lips again. Less desperately than before. Gentle, but then Merlin’s mouth opened and Arthur licked into it, their mouths moving together.  
It was hot, so so hot. They really ought to take their clothes off in this heat. He suggested this to Merlin who thought it to be quite reasonable, so Arthur guided Merlin to his bedroom, where they stripped quickly before kissing again, making up for the seconds, minutes, days, months they’d lost to ‘not-kissing’.  
Arthur pushed Merlin onto the bed and climbed on top of him. His eyes fastened on Merlin’s erection and Arthur could not help but lean down and kiss it. Merlin moaned and he was so, so- “You’re gorgeous”, Arthur whispered, his voice much deeper than usual, kissing Merlin’s throat with lots of small kisses, trailing downwards to the collar bones - stopping there to suck on them- and then. Then Merlin’s nipples, hard and inviting, making Merlin moan deliciously as Arthur sucked on one, rubbing the other with his finger.  
He wanted to explore Merlin’s body further, but, with a strength Arthur didn’t know he possessed, Merlin flipped them around. Arthur landed on his back with a gasp and Merlin wasted no time in kissing Arthur’s neck, making marks on the skin and then licking them. Merlin straddled him, his hands stroking over Arthur’s chest and biceps. “So beautiful”, Merlin said in a low voice that made Arthur’s heart beat faster and his cock twitch. Arthur shook with need and stretched to capture Merlin’s mouth again, pulling him down with a hand in his hair. He let his tongue slide over Merlin’s lip before moving it into his mouth, tangling it with Merlin’s tongue and never ever wanting to stop. But Merlin pulled away and ignored Arthur’s sound of disapproval, which quickly turned into a moan as Merlin licked a long stripe over Arthur’s chest, then kissing his way down, over the nipples, across the stomach and the navel, then stopping, ignoring Arthur’s throbbing hard-on, to kiss the inside of his thighs. Arthur arched into it, waiting, wanting, but Merlin persistently continued kissing the thighs, kissing everything but the skin that craved Merlin’s lips most. “Please”, Arthur begged, breathing ragged, twisting his hands in the sheet. “Merlin, please.”   
“Oh, I will please you”, Merlin informed him with a grin that was somewhere between affectionate and predatory. It thrilled Arthur to no ends, and his returning grin was cut short by an intake of breath as Merlin finally kissed his cock. He kissed the head a few times, then gave it a slow careful lick that had Arthur’s hips moving on their own accord. Merlin smirked and held a hand to steady them before taking him in fully. Pleasure shot through Arthur, so intense that his breathing was heavy, his head so dizzy he was barely aware of anything other than Merlin’s marvelous mouth licking, kissing, sucking his dick. He was faintly aware of him saying “Yes!”, and “Suck, oh god Merlin” and words incoherent from pleasure. When he could feel himself so very close to climaxing he warned Merlin, who instantly pulled off. Arthur bemoaned the loss of touch.   
“You don’t want me to..?”, Arthur asked after Merlin kissed him again between heavy breaths. “Not yet. I’ll be right back.” Merlin slipped from the room and Arthur briefly wondered whether blue balls were Merlin’s idea of a joke before Merlin returned with what unmistakeably were condoms and lube. Arthur licked his lips as Merlin climbed onto the bed and leaned over him, nobbling at Arthur’s ear before whispering “I want you to fuck me.” Arthur impossibly hardened even more. “Oh god yes”, he took the lube and looked Merlin in the eyes.   
Beautiful, loving eyes. It was like a dream.  
Arthur opened the lube and poured some onto his fingers. Merlin lied down on a cushion for better access. “Clever”, Arthur complimented. He crouched between Merlin’s spread legs. For a moment he stared at the lube on his fingers, then on Merlin’s seemingly sculptured arse and made a change of plans. He planted his hands on Merlin’s buttocks and leaned forward, licking at Merlin’s hole.   
Merlin jumped in surprise. “That’s not- What’re you-” but Arthur shushed him. “Relax”, he ordered in his softest voice and licked again. Then licked inside. Merlin groaned wonderfully. He relubed his fingers, turned Merlin over onto his back and looked him in the eyes. They seemed to be pulling him in. So he let himself be pulled with a long sloppy kiss on Merlin’s reddened lips and slipped a finger inside Merlin. “Tell me if it hurts, okay?”, Arthur said breathless as Merlin said “More.”  
Arthur smirked and inserted an extra finger, pushing in deep, pulling out and pushing in again. When Merlin let out an obscenely loud moan that went straight to Arthur’s cock. Arthur knew he’d found the right spot and pressed against it some more. Merlin whimpered when Arthur pulled his fingers out, only to arch into Arthur, their erections brushing briefly and sending sparks through his system as Arthur penetrated with three fingers, stretching Merlin’s hole.   
“Arthur, please. I’m ready, please.”  
Arthur bit his lip at the sound of want and need in Merlin’s voice. He quickly rolled a condom over his erection after clumsily tearing the packet open and rubbed over it with more lube. “Arthur”, Merlin moaned in impatience and Arthur took his arousal and pushed it in and-  
Wow, that was tight. And hot. “So tight”, he grunted and then moaned when Merlin moved, letting Arthur go deeper.   
“Merlin”, he breathed, his voice betraying him, full of love, and Arthur couldn’t care less.  
Slowly, he started moving. “Fuck”, he panted because he was inside Merlin and it felt so good. He tried to control himself, even when he refound Merlin’s prostate, hearing Merlin make those wonderful, wonderful noises: But Merlin told him inbetween pants to “Just let go” and he did. He grabbed hold of Merlin, tight enough that there would be bruises and lost control, humping, loving the tightness, the heat and Merlin’s grunts and moans and “Arthur”s and he came, the climax so intense that Arthur cried out, seeing stars, wishing he wasn’t wearing the stupid condom, wishing he could fill Merlin. He may have said that out loud as he pulled out. He may also have passed out after seeing those stars. Then he saw Merlin’s steadfast erection, leaking at the tip and so shagable. Merlin was very shagable. And before Arthur leaned in to lick the head and lick off the precome he kissed Merlin and enjoyed the look of surprise and want when Arthur whispered, low and husky “Next time I want you to fuck me” and Arthur could see Merlin’s cock twitch and leak and he had to be quick before Merlin would- so he licked and sucked the head into his mouth, tasting Merlin on his tongue, then sucking down as far as his mouth could go. “Arthur, Arthur, I’m gonna-” but Arthur made no move to stop and swallowed Merlin’s come. It was an odd taste, but just like the taste of Merlin’s dick, Arthur imagined he liked it. He kissed Merlin thoroughly, who giggled. “I can taste myself on your tongue.”   
Arthur chuckled. “Well, you’ve tasted me, too.”  
They smiled at each other, chests heaving, the moment seeming impossible. Maybe just a dream. Arthur stroked Merlin’s face, as they lay side by side, needing the touch, needing to know it was real.   
Apparently Merlin was thinking the same thing. “Pinch me. No wait. Don’t. I don’t want it to end.” Arthur laughed at that, leaning over, and bit Merlin carefully. He had to mark Merlin, too, after all. He would not be the only one with hickies. To prove his point he planted some more around Merlin’s collarbones and on his neck. “There”, he said triumphantly. “Not a dream, then”, Merlin muttered, surprised. “Why? I mean. I’ve been pining after you for ages. When did this happen?” His disbelief was somewhat insulting.  
“I found out a few weeks ago. What do you mean ‘ages’?” Merlin blushed. It made Arthur want to kiss those red cheeks.  
“I’ve liked you for years.” Arthur frowned. “We haven’t known each other for that long… So you had a celebrity crush on me!”  
Merlin blushed some more. “Don’t get all big-headed,” he grumbled.  
And they laughed. They laughed and laughed, gleeful, then kissed some more before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

* * *

When Arthur woke up something was different. He was warmer and his arm felt odd, as if something heavy was… Oh.  
Opening his eyes to the sight of Merlin in his arms made his heart flip a dozen times and he grinned. Merlin was fast asleep, his mouth hanging open. The look of tranquility on his face was just adorable. But Arthur would not tell him that. Instead he extracted himself and shuffled to the kitchen. Making breakfast shouldn’t be too difficult. There was little that could go wrong with cereal, he couldn’t exactly set it on fire. He poured two bowls of cereal and two glasses of orange juice on the table and went to wake Merlin.   
Merlin was lying face-down on the pillow. Arthur frowned.   
“Merlin?” Merlin raised his head and his face was somewhat sombre.   
“Morning”, he mumbled.  
“I made us breakfast,” Arthur said, wondering why Merlin looked unhappy, but then Merlin’s face lit up and he laughed. “Oh!”   
“You sound… relieved”, Arthur observed. “What were you expecting me to say?”  
Merlin stared at him, his lips slightly trembling. “That you thought this was a bad idea.”  
That was so ridiculous that Arthur would have made fun of him for it, but not when he looked so upset. Arthur sat down on the bed. “It’s a difficulty that we cannot do much about for now, but I’ve already rang Morgana and she will prepare everything to avoid it being a scandal that would end my career.”   
“What are you talking about?”, Merlin asked.   
“We can’t go public with this yet. I don’t wanna scare off my fangirls. Their fantasies about me are the only thing that makes them like me and outing myself would shoot that in the wind, so we need to be careful for now.” Now he made sure Merlin would look at him by cradling his chin. “But I want to be with you if you’ll let me”, he said softly before kissing Merlin. Arthur could feel Merlin’s smile as he returned the kiss, and saw it, wide and brilliant as he pulled back, leaning their foreheads against each other.  
What Merlin said next reminded Arthur of why he loved him. Ignoring Arthur bragging about his looks and finding the insecurity and remedying it. “Arthur, you have an amazing body and beautiful face. Many females still love Neil Patrick Harris even if him requiting their love is just a little more unlikely now. But like him, you’re much more than that. There’s more to you than your body. An actor. A personality so good, so brave and righteous which I absolutely fell in love with.” Here Arthur interrupted Merlin in favour of kissing the blush on Merlin’s cheeks and then his lips. “I love you”, he said in kisses, increasingly desperate. When Arthur moaned into Merlin’s mouth Merlin was saying things, something that sounded like “I’ve not finished talking let me continue” but Merlin evidently didn’t have the willpower to stop kissing, so Arthur pulled away with a sigh, smiling. “Continue.” Merlin rolled his eyes and attempted to glare but the smile stubbornly remained, which made Arthur want to kiss him again.   
“You know how I said I liked you for years?” Arthur nodded. He’d wanted to ask about that. “When Mum died and the homophobes bullied me I got depressed and went on to the theatre, tried to keep going, but it was just too… It didn’t work. While I was unemployed except for the odd waitor job or so I watched one of your movies. The one about the boy, played by you, who got bullied. It was so inspiring and as I started watching your other work... I just… You were my idol, my inspiration and I overcame my depression. I felt more like living again. When a few months later I got to meet you at that convention I was so excited and so happy and then you were such a prat and then your sister offered me that job and I told myself I’d accept it to get rid of my longterm crush by finding out what a terrible person you are. But that just really backfired.” Merlin smiled shyly.   
“But if you liked me all this time, why didn’t you say anything? I thought you didn’t like me like that. You ran away when I showed skin… and that cold. I thought my feelings were obvious then and then you said that!” Arthur didn’t like remembering, but he wanted to understand.  
“You’re an idiot, Arthur,” Merlin said with a groan.  
“What!?”   
“You are. Really. I didn’t tell you my feelings because I didn’t want you to sack me. And I thought you knew from what I said when we met that I felt strongly for you. I didn’t want you to think I was just some love-sick fan, I guess. And you started it with the ‘Let’s not talk about this again”, remember? And I can’t believe you’re so thick! I didn’t want to be near a half-naked you because I didn’t want you to see how aroused I was!”, Merlin ranted, frustratedly shaking Arthur. Arthur frowned. “I am an idiot. We are both idiots.” He shook his head in mourning of what they missed thanks to their idiocy. But Merlin and he were together now. That’s all that mattered.   
“So”, Arthur began, grinning, “How obsessed with me were you?”   
“Prat”, Merlin grumbled.   
“Morgana is going to be unbearable”, Arthur realised with a sigh.   
“What do you mean?”   
“She helped me realise my feelings. She is going to be smug for ages.” She already was when he talked to her on the phone, but he was too lovestruck to notice in that moment.  
“That explains those smirks she’s been giving me these last weeks. I thought Gwen or Nimueh might have slipped and said something to her. They kept telling me to tell you about my feelings. Probably should have listened.”   
“Yep.” Arthur grinned and ruffled Merlin’s hair. Merlin pouted and returned the attack until they fell over. Onto the bed.   
“Well, while we’re already here…” Merlin began, but Arthur cut him off by re-acquainting their lips and Merlin didn’t speak anymore for a while after that, unless you counted broken “Oh” sounds, “fuck, Arthur” and incoherent sounds that might have been intended to be words. When they finally got to their breakfast the cereal was soggy, so they went back to bed for a while longer.


	10. Epilogue

“But what if I mess up?”, Arthur fretted, messing with his hair in front of the mirror.   
“You won’t mess it up”, Merlin reassured, fixing Arthur’s hair again. Arthur snorted in a decidedly ‘yeah, right’ way. Merlin slung his arm around Arthur, making them face the mirror together. “You know what I see when I look into that mirror? A strong handsome charming actor with loads of talent.”   
Arthur smiled at that, but then Merlin continued. “Oh look, you’re here too!” And laughed like the evil person he was.  
“I hate you.”  
“No you don’t.” And then, as if to make up for the slight, Merlin kissed him gently enough to not get Arthur’s lower half too involved and passionately enough for an excited buzz under the soothing calmness. It was perfect. Especially since he didn’t want to go on stage with a hard-on. He locked his eyes with Merlin’s as they drew apart. They were filled with love.   
“All you have to do is say thank you, it’s an honour and take the award”, Merlin said with a shrug of his shoulders.   
“I do have a whole thank you speech though”, Arthur complained.   
“Well at least this time you’re not adding a proposal at the end”, Merlin laughed.   
“True”, Arthur admitted and kissed the ring on his husband’s hand. “I do like the video you made out of the footage, nearly as good as the ‘This is the strangest thing I’ve ever done’-one”, which earned him a smack and a kiss. “Don’t be jealous, you have fans, too!”   
“Nonsense, I’m unknown.”   
Arthur chortled. “Not anymore.”   
“Come on then, we have to go”, Merlin declared, egging him to the door, knocking something off the table in the process. Arthur caught it before it hit the floor. It was one of Merlin’s sketches. The first he’d done of Arthur, months before Arthur found out he’d been sketched at all. The phrase “Draw me like one of your french girls” had come up and had faithfully led to sex. The picture was a lucky charm to Arthur.  
“Arthur. Your fans want to see you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks go out to:  
> Hanna (jumpstofly on tumblr) who supported me a great deal and typed the the last chapters from my notebook into the computer because I was too busy - you're the best, Hanna!  
> Rou (brolinskeep on tumblr) who is fab and helped me along the way.  
> My dear beta who got lost along the way, liquer_me on livejournal. I don't know what happened to you and why you stopped writing, but I'm grateful for your help, even if we never did get to beta the whole thing together. Hope you are well.  
> Thanks to all others who may or may not have contributed. Your support alone was great! My love goes out to you all!  
> (This note is not just for chapter one but for the entire fic)


End file.
